“What do you plan to do when you retire?”

“What do you plan to do when you retire?” This question has been asked of me at least a hundred times over the past year. I have struggled with the answer, not because I don’t have any plans, rather, because I don’t know quite where to start. “Whatever the hell I want” doesn’t sound like a mature, thoughtful response, although it does sum up my feelings nicely. The truth is closer to something like—“a million things.” What follows are just a few of the things on my to-do list.

- Paint the mailbox post. For this job, my wife gave me the perfect Christmas present:

- Vacuum the house. This may seem a somewhat pedestrian job in the grand scheme of things, but for the last seven days we have had three golden retrievers loose in this house, so the job of vacuuming up after them is crucial stuff at the moment. Around here I’m the vacuuming expert.

- Spend a long weekend with my boys in Cooperstown, NY at the baseball hall of fame.

- Perfect my uncanny ability to irritate the heck out of Sherri Matthews with Dad Jokes at the worst possible moment.

- Expand my volunteer schedule at Hope Church.

- Lose ten pounds.

- Sharpen my cooking skills.

- Start playing golf again.

- Clean out the garage.

- Clean out the attic.

- Spend a week in the Caymans.

- Replace the lamp post light in the front yard.

- Write a sixth novel.

- Spend more time promoting the one that’s actually been published.

- Continue educating myself concerning the proper grand parenting protocols of the 21st century.

- Buy a new phone and a new iPad—my two are ancient.

- Plan more weekend getaways.

- Find ways to encourage others.

- Follow more of my spontaneous impulses—after I run them by Pam first.

- Become more generous.

- Write letters.

- Try to do something I’ve never done before at least once a month.

- Visit Italy and the Greek Islands.

- Never allow anyone to talk me in to going to the Holy Land.

- Be available for my kids anytime they need me.

- Eventually move to a house with a first floor master bedroom.

- Attend a baseball game at every Major League ballpark in the United States. (I’ve been to eleven so far).

- Be supportive of anyone still working in difficult and important jobs.

- No matter what happens with my health in the future, never stop eating this…