No, this morning I will share with all of you 12 secrets of my family’s Christmas history. What follows won’t be particularly compelling to most of you because they are mostly inside jokes. But, every family has them. There are things that happen every year when the gang gets together for Christmas that are unique to your family’s style. Well, these are ours. All I ask is that you not judge us too harshly.
The Twelve Ways of Christmas
On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me...an 8x10 photo of Bo Diddley, suitable for framing? YES!
On the second day of Christmas my true love gave to me...a live performance of Ahab the Arab, Sheik of the Burning Sands.
On the third day of Christmas my true love gave to me...three glass tea pitchers for Nanny, all of which she claims to need!
On the fourth day of Christmas my true love gave to me...an electric coat hanger, with charger, from Uncle Bill.
On the fifth day of Christmas my true love gave to me...FIVE POUND CAKES.
On the sixth day of Christmas my true love gave to me...Aunt Linda giving the “destructions”
On the seventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me...a seven hour present opening session.
On the eighth day of Christmas my true love gave to me...about hour four of presents, Ruaridh asking “Why did I have to marry into a dry family??
On the ninth day of Christmas my true love gave to me...a juvenile prank involving either fart noises, bugs or air horns pulled off by one of the children with absolutely NO HELP from me.
On the tenth day of Christmas my true love gave to me...Uncle Ron dozing off...while opening his own presents.
On the eleventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me...Me singing “Jolly Old St. Nicholas” in a terrible French accent.
On the twelfth day of Christmas my true love gave to me...Aunt Paula making twelve vows to make changes in the present unwrapping NEXT YEAR.
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