The Transformation of Bruce Jenner

It was 1976. I had just graduated from high school. I was working at Lowe's hardware on Broad Street saving every dime for a planned trip out west at the end of the summer. I was supposed to go to college after high school but I wanted to travel the country first. That summer was an Olympic Games year. They were held in Montreal and the only things I remember about them were that the Communist countries were winning all the medals, and America had a Decathlon champion named Bruce Jenner. He was amazing, a one man phenomenon of California cool and athletic grace combined with movie star good looks. The gold medal looked good on him. After those games he went into show business with some television movies for awhile then disappeared until he resurfaced in a reality show called Keepin Up With the Kardashians which I can proudly say I have never watched.

This morning, I was minding my own business trying to stay well informed when I ran across a story announcing that Bruce Jenner is undergoing a " transformation" into a woman. Apparently he and his family are thrilled. So far it's been little things like growing his hair out, wearing makeup and showing up at family gatherings with manicured nails, but soon we are assured that the changes will be more noticeable, more flamboyant. To satisfy the American appetite for all things puerile, Mr. Jenner is having the feminization filmed, to be aired at a later date as a reality series.

I am doing my absolute best to be a modern, sensitive and caring man. I really am. With the assistance of my two grown children, I have boldly stepped into the 21st century by broadening my food choices,(Indian cuisine), eliminating boorish thoughts and dated, harmful words from my vocabulary,(Kraught, towel-head, Jap etc..), and come to become more tolerant and understanding of lifestyle choices that I find personally disgusting and abhorrent. But, there are times when I see
pictures and read stories about a man like Bruce Jenner turning himself into a woman, and I just
wonder what the hell is this world coming to?

From the story I learn that the appropriate response to Mr. Jenner's "decision" is acceptance, even celebration. I should be thrilled for him that he is finally finding happiness. Moreover, I should be inspired by his "courage." It's as if he has just announced to the world that he has decided to devote the rest of his life to feeding the hungry in Bombay. Clearly, God made an awful mistake knitting him together in his mother's womb and blessing him with an Adonis physique and the athletic ability of a small "g" God. The fact that Mr. Jenner used the sexual organs that God gave him to produce 6 beautiful and devoted children was a cosmic accident as well. A friend of the family is quoted as saying that "Bruce feels as if he has finally cast aside a bag of bricks that he has carried for so long. He feels free."

Reading the story, it dawns upon me that despite the efforts of my children, I still retain the ability to

be shocked and saddened by what 95% of all human beings that have ever walked upon this earth would have considered a sickness. It seems that 21st century man is the first to be asked to celebrate the degenerate. But, that last sentence would probably be considered hate speech nowadays. When in truth it is simply an honest declaration of my heart. I can summon no admiration, no celebration. I see no courage. I see a confused, addled man-child living in a reality television universe that has transformed the concept of truth into an incomprehensible mess. The only emotion I can summon is pity.

An Office Adventure and a Super Bowl Prediction

Last year Pam and I agreed to host a couple of Liberty University nursing school students in our home every other weekend for a couple of months while they participated in a work study program at St. Mary's hospital. We thoroughly enjoyed the experience, especially Pam since it gave her a couple of young people to spoil and pamper and cook fabulous food for, her life's calling. Yesterday, we got our second batch of girls, Anna and Elayne. They arrived around 4:30 in the afternoon, doe-eyed and earnest, and judging by their exuberant response to their first meal at Casa Dunnevant, the poor things haven't had any decent food in years. It's nice to have kids in the house again.

Had an unfortunate medical issue at the office yesterday which I will write about as carefully as possible to avoid providing too much unwanted information. I was minding my own business preparing for a 3 o'clock appointment when at approximately 2:15 I began to feel hot. Then I felt myself beginning to sweat. Then came intense cramps. Ten minutes later I was holding on to the railings in the restroom for fear that I was about to pass out, by this time having sweated through my shirt. By 2:45 it was all over and apart from the soaked shirt and flushed white complexion, I was back to relative normal. I did have to cancel the appointment. Bizarre.

I'm not big on making Super Bowl predictions because most years I don't care enough to have formed an opinion about either team. But this year is different. I'm not a huge fan of either team. My only bias is my desire that the local boy Russell Wilson has a good game. I suppose I would rather see the Seahawks win the game. But here's the thing...I have this weirdly confident feeling that Seattle is going to blow out the Patriots. If I was a betting man, which I am NOT, I would be confident enough to lay down serious money, my hunch is that strong. It boils down to this, I think that Seattle's defense is vastly more athletic than New England's offense. With the exception of Gronk, an athletic freak, the rest of the Patriot skill players are average. the back seven of Seattle are all gifted athletes that I believe will overwhelm them. So there, I said it. Seattle in a blow out. If the Patriots win, feel free to mock me.

My Strange Dog

There is something mysterious about dogs. Usually that term is applied to cats since everything about them is mysterious. But with dogs its different. This morning was a perfect example.

I came down the stairs at my usual time. Lucy is generally always asleep or at least dozing on her bed in the living room. But this morning she was standing at the window looking out into the darkness in a high state of anxiety. First a few muffled barks, then an intense, menacing growl came forth from some dark place within her as she stiffened, erect and alert. I walk over to comfort her but she was having none of it. I looked out the window and saw nothing in the darkness. I turned on the front porch light which revealed an entirely empty front yard. I put the leash on Lucy and took her out for her morning constitutional. Although she eventually took care of business, she did so only after a thorough inspection of the entire yard, all the while growling with her head on a swivel. Once back inside, she showed no interest in her breakfast, preferring to remain on full alert at the front windows.

Although this was a unique incident, there have been other times when Lucy snaps her head skyward with wide eyes, and soft growl at some unseen thing. It's as if she sees things that we don't. We already know that dogs hear frequencies of sound that our ears do not recognize. Molly used to run into the middle of the back yard and start howling for no apparent reason, then 15 seconds later we would hear the approaching rescue squad siren. Maybe dogs also see things that we cant see. I'm not a big believer in ghosts and spirits, but when I see the hair on Lucy's back come up as she stairs down an empty hallway, it gives me the creeps.

We know that there are some dogs who can detect cancer in someone, who can actually smell it on them. These amazing animals seem to have some sort of gifted intuition. Of course, in Lucy's case it might just be that she is neurotic enough to be capable of doggy hallucinations. Or we might have mice. Who knows?

But it wouldn't surprise me at all if we one day discover that dogs are dialed in to the spirit world in ways that no one ever imagined.

Global Warming, the explanation for everything.

As the great blizzard of 2015 is walloping the east coast, I am being equally pummeled by the confusing claims of the climate change experts. A year ago a New York Times story appeared with the provocative headline, " the end of snow?" The global warming  cartel at the United Nations back in 2001 confidently predicted much milder winters and much less snowfall, claiming particularly that large snowstorms would virtually disappear. Well, we're only halfway through the 2010's and this is the 14th such mega snow storm to hit the east coast, making the past ten years the snowiest on record.  No worries though, because now the climate gurus tell us that major snowstorms like this are actually caused by the very same climate change forces that were supposed to make them a thing of the past.

Huh?

There's one thing I've noticed over the years with the settled science of global warming. No weather event ever provides anything but confirmation for scientists. Having lots of tornados? That's because of global climate change. Where have all the tornados gone? Global climate change. You say you're having a mild winter? Of course you are. Global climate change will do that. Getting hammered by one killer snowstorm after another? Why, it's that global climate change again!

The other day I read a story that proclaimed 2014 as the hottest year on record. A few days later another story comes out that had the same dudes at NASA who made the original claim walking back the story and admitting that the claim was made based on one-hundreds of a degree variations. All of this despite the fact that the planet's "inevitable, incontrovertible" warming trend is now in it's 18th year of...not warming. It's enough to drive a non-scientist to drink.

I'm not only not a scientist, I'm not even science-y. I don't even like Sci-Fi. But I am a relatively alert observer of contemporary culture and current events. Here's what I have observed over the last twenty years about global warming/climate change. It seems to be a totally unfalsifiable theory in that  no weather event anywhere in the world ever serves any purpose other than serving as more "proof" that global warming/climate change is real and that we are all doomed unless we tax something or someone to death to fix it. If anyone brings up the strange gymnastics required to blame both too much snow and not enough snow on the same theory, the true believers look at you like you've got two heads. " How dare you question the settled science, you flat-earth denier!!"

Things I Don't Believe

What follows is a partial list of stuff I don't believe. Some of them are things I may have believed at one time but no longer do because of education, training and experience. Some are things that I have never believed but are listed here because so many other people do. Some are people who I believe cannot be trusted to tell the truth. Some are people who do tell the truth on occasion but have lapsed into the bad habit of circumstantial fibbing. This is not to say that I always tell the truth. Far from it. We are all capable of lies great and small. These are merely the ones which are most obvious to me.

1. With regards to Barack Obama... I do not believe that he is a Muslim, a closet Communist, or is secretly trying to destroy the country because he hates America. No one in the history of this Republic has benefitted more from the American Dream than our current President, and I believe he knows this full well. There's a gigantic difference between being a Manchurian candidate and being merely mistaken about policy. I profoundly disagree with his conception of the role of government and the nature and purpose of the Constitution. This does not require me to adopt a conspiracy theory which places the President of the United States at the center of some nefarious plot to destroy the country. Calm down people.

2. I do not believe that global warming is the gravest threat to the survival of the planet. That prize goes to the existence of thermo-nuclear devices winding up in the hands of an outfit like a Boko Haram. I believe that science knows precious little about something as impossibly complex as planetary climate and to advance the notion that their limited knowledge is complete and certain enough to call for the reordering of society is the single worst example of hubris ever to manifest itself on planet earth.

3. In 2008 I believed that Sarah Palin was a nice enough person but had no business being a heartbeat away from the Presidency. Today, I believe that she is an embarrassing nut job.

4. I once believed that Bill Belichick and the New England Patriots were always being accused of cheating because the rest of the league was jealous and simply tired of getting their collective asses kicked. Now I believe that maybe they are cheaters. Where there is this much smoke, there's bound to be some fire.

5. I used to believe that church was too stuffy. Now I don't think church is stuffy enough. Too much glib familiarity and not enough reverence and awe.

6. Modern education theory and practice hasn't had a decent idea since the one room schoolhouse.

7. Speaking of education, there probably exists nowhere a more destructive idea than the notion that "anyone can teach."  While anyone might, in fact, be allowed to teach, real teachers are those very few among us with the gift of teaching. The ones without this gift comprise the majority of employed teachers in America. Those with this gift change the world.

8. I do not believe that the history of the world is the story of decline and ruin, rather I believe that history illustrates the evidence for the gradual betterment of mankind. Who among us would prefer to live in the Middle Ages with its barbarism or even the 1920's in America when the second leading cause of death was diarrhea?

9. I believe that salvation is a lot simpler than the Catholics would have us believe and a lot more complicated than we Baptist hope it is.

10. I used to believe that Walt Whitman was an overrated hack. But the other night I read "A Song of Myself" again and discovered that it was quite beautiful.

Davos and Me

It's 40 degrees and raining outside, trapping me inside the house on this Saturday. I don't have many options today, unlike the world's super elite who are gathered at Davos, Switzerland. They invented options.

This annual confab of politicians, CEO's and celebrities never gets old for me. It's called The World Economic Forum, and I love it! Nothing says "irony" like fifty billionaires lecturing me about conspicuous consumption and the evils of capitalism. This year someone actually counted the private jets...1,700. It took that many private, ozone-depleting airplanes to fly the world's richest people to a resort in the Alps to discuss climate change. The same people who lecture the rest of us about sustainable lifestyles are paying 47 bucks for a hamburger. Some billionaire gave a speech informing us that we Americans will have to learn to get by with less in the future. That same billionaire flew to Davos in a private jet with not one but TWO nannies on board.

Still, Davos is the place to see and be seen for the world's .003%. No oligarch would be caught dead anywhere else the third weekend in Janurary. There will be panel discussions on all of the trendiest topics of the day. There will be speeches by the most beautiful people on earth. The wealthiest men and women will have an opportunity to demonstrate their knowledge of world issues, and show their concern for the 99.997% of the world who can't afford two nannies. There will be cocktail parties and concerts, private screenings of earnest documentaries bemoaning some coming appocholypse. Al Gore, the patron saint of Davos will be there in his exalted position as "conscience of the planet." Bill Clinton always can be depended upon to make an appearance pitching some Global initiative or another, usually surrounded by a bevy of hot snow-bunnies. Bill Gates is essentially the mayor of Davos. He's on practically every panel, and why not? Between he and his wife Melinda, they give
away more money than the rest of the attendees combined, buying them a boatload of indulgence and
a coveted spot in the hierarchy of the most covetous people on the planet.

Meanwhile, we gluttonous Americans are at home be-spoiling the planet with callous disregard for the sustainability of our lifestyles, paying a mere $2.25 for a whopper with cheese at Burger King.

Somebody's Lying in Boston

Somebody's lying up in Boston and this time it's not a politician.

Yesterday, Bill Belichick and Tom Brady both held press conferences to give their version of Deflate-Gate, and each of them denied any culpability. If they are to be believed, the twelve game balls from the AFC championship game against the Colts lost a pound and a half of air pressure all by themselves. Meanwhile, Russell Wilson is studying game film until one o'clock in the morning in a basement somewhere in Seattle.

Frankly, besides Mr. Wilson, there isn't much to like about either of these teams. The Seahawks defense is full of trash talking egomaniacs, Pete Carrol isn't exactly a paragon of virtue even in comparison with Belichick. The Patriots, for all their record of excellence, give off an ugly vibe of arrogance and more than a whiff of cheating. So, what is a football fan to do?

And another thing... I love Russell Wilson, everything about him. I love that he's from my hometown. I love his leadership, his clutch performances, his professionalism and his character. But if I could have a word with him before the Super Bowl here's what I would tell him:

" Russell, love ya man and I'm pulling for you in the big game. But if you are fortunate enough to win today could you do me a huge favor and not tell everyone that God was responsible for the win? Listen, I'm glad you're a believer, so am I, but I'm pretty sure that God doesn't get involved in the outcome of sporting events and to suggest that he does makes him seem small somehow. I know that's not your intent, but that's the way it comes across to millions of people on television, so... I mean it's fine to thank God for giving you an opportunity to play in such a huge game, but to suggest that God was somehow on your side is a theological leap. Just sayin'.