Don’t Even THINKAbout Littering in Connecticut

Tales from the road...

The government of Connecticut doesn’t mess around with litterers. There I was getting off of interstate 84,at exit 31 near Southington, halfway through the sweeping turn, when I see a simple sign in red script...

$219 Fine for Littering

I’m not sure about you, but if I had been tempted to sling a mentos wrapper out of the window, I might have thought twice if I knew a $200 fine would be the result...but that extra $19 bucks would certainly have made me snap out of that temptation, for sure. I would have loved to have been in that meeting of the highways committee in Hartford...

Bureaucrat 1: Ok, we need to set the fine amounts for 2018. We can’t keep putting this off. Last year it was $197.24. Should we leave it there, lower it, raise it?

Bureaucrat 2: How many litterers did we catch last year?

Bureaucrat 3: 725

Bureaucrat 2: Ok, that means we collected $143,000. How many of those litterers were from out of state?

Bureaucrat 1: We don’t have that information. That would constitute profiling...

Bureaucrat 2: I guarandamn-tee you that most of ‘em were from New York.

(General laughter all around)

Bureaucrat 3: Well, I say we need to stick it to those bastards. How about an eleven percent increase?

(Audible gasps)

Bureaucrat 2: That’s awfully bold, Stan. Why, that would raise the fine to $219!!

Bureaucrat 3: Fortune favors the bold, Al.

Bureaucrat 1: So it’s settled then. $219 it is. Now, let’s move along to how much we should fine people for driving the speed limit in the passing lane. Last year it was $126.15....

Empathy

This blog might wind up being embarrassing for the author. If you’re not a dog person, or if you’re one of those people who think that humans project way too much importance unto their household pets, you may want to skip this one. Maybe it’s just that I’m feeling guilty about the fact that I’m about to leave her for three weeks...but here goes.

Lucy and I have this little morning routine. Almost every morning when I wake up, she is curled up at the foot of our bed, usually entangled with Pam’s legs. Sometimes she’s on the floor, but 90% of the time she’s on the bed. So, when I wake up it’s still dark outside, so as I’m walking past the end of the bed I have to wait until my eyes adjust, and when they do, I find her. Then, I do the exact same thing every single morning...I place both of my hands around her face, kiss her on the nose, scratch behind her ears and say the following:

Who is Daddy’s best girl? Lucy is. You’re the best puppy in the world.

Then I continue on to the bathroom and the rest of my day. Of course, she is sound asleep and has no response to any of this. But I do it every...single...morning.

Why?

I honestly don’t know, other than the fact that it’s comforting to me somehow. Starting your day with a positive affirmation of love...even to a dog...is mildly therapeutic, I suppose. But, it’s more than that. There’s just something about a dog, especially one as neurotic and easily frightened as Lucy, that makes you want to protect them, and what better way can you protect someone than by reassuring them of how much you love them?

A dog grabs ahold of your heart in a thousand ways. Part of it is that they are totally dependent on you for their survival. They always expect nothing but good things from you. To them, we are the most wonderful, fantastic, incredible people in the whole wide world. So, you find yourselves constantly trying to live up to their idealized expectations. I’ve said this before but it bears repeating...I want to be half as good a man as Lucy thinks I am.

Which brings a thought to mind. If we treated each other with half of the unconditional love we have for our dogs, I’m thinking that our world would be a infinitely happier place. For dog lovers like me, although I prefer Goldens, the truth of the matter is, I love all dogs, no matter the breed. When I encounter one on the street, all of them bring a smile to my face. When I see friends on Facebook putting up pictures of their new puppy, it’s always a happy time. When someone loses a dog, I feel the loss along with them. In other words, dogs produce in us a large reservoir of empathy. They make us better people.

Oh, that we could summon such empathy...for each other.

The Trees We Plant

As a married man, I have only lived in two houses, the one I’ve lived in for the past 21 years, and the first house Pam and I built 33 years ago. It was a starter home, only 1600 square feet. We brought both of our children home from the hospital to that house. But, eventually it got too small, so we had a second house built not much more than a mile from our old house. In an average week, I drive by the old place two or three times. I always glance at it with an odd sense of nostalgia.

Since we sold it, the place has had a string of short time owners. Most of them have neglected the yard, which always makes me sad. I spent so much time fussing with that yard, always had it looking great. When I drive by and see that the grass hasn’t been cut in a month I always let out a sigh. 

I bring this up because I’ve been thinking a lot about legacy lately. How would I like to be remembered? It’s strange how so much of what we do on a day to day basis is mundane and of no consequence in the grand scheme of life. Most days are indistinguishable from each other. We busy ourselves with things that seem important at the time, but ultimately matter very little. Earthly pursuits all eventually decay and wither, leaving not a trace of evidence that we were even here.

All of this was on my mind when I drove past the old house yesterday. I immediately noticed that the fence that I had built 33 years ago around the back yard had been torn down. New lumber was stacked neatly in rows. Memories flooded back of when my friend Al and I built that fence soon after we moved in. Had to have it because we had just bought our first Golden Retriever...Murphy. Once again, something I had built had vanished, leaving no evidence of my existence. Suddenly, I found myself turning the car around, driving back to take a closer look. I parked at the curb across the street. No one was home. I got out of the car and stood in the street, staring at the overgrown grass where my fence used to be. It didn’t take long for me to realize how profoundly stupid it was for me to be staring at a place I hadn’t lived in over 20 years. I abruptly turned to head back to the car when I noticed it...the huge maple tree in the front yard.

The first Spring we spent at the old house, I found a healthy, well-shaped maple sapling growing right out from the edge of the house over by the water hose. I almost just yanked it out of the ground and threw it away, but at the last minute the thought came to me...maybe I can dig this little tree up and replant it in the middle of our big, treeless front yard. So, just like that, I planted this little Charlie Brown looking thing in the front yard. It was only a little over two feet tall. It looked silly actually.

33 years later it looks like this...

So, as it turns out, we can leave a lasting legacy. I planted a tree when Ronald Reagan was in the White House. Nobody had a cell phone. Nobody had a flatscreen TV. The Washington Redskins were a good football team. Both of my parents were still alive. I hadn’t yet become a father. I didn’t even know what I was doing. I had never planted a tree before. But I planted it anyway.

Soon, I would have two children, despite the fact that I didn’t know what I was doing. I had never been a father before. But I became one anyway.

Our legacy is about the living. The trees we plant. The children we raise. The people we love.

 

Boycotts Are Dumb

In the last few years it seems as though I can’t make it through a single week without someone asking me to boycott something. Now that the personal has become political, if the CEO of the company that makes your dogfood is discovered to have made the wrong kind of political contribution...well, Fido is going to have to adjust to some new kibble.

Boycotts are the ultimate example of virtue signaling, where you proclaim your moral superiority over your neighbor by demonstrating solidarity, or some such thing, by being willing to sacrifice your dog’s favorite dinner for the greater good of...whatever. This is a bipartisan project. What follows are a few examples of some companies that the woke social justice crowd have targeted for boycotts:

Papa Johns...Hobby Lobby...Walmart...Chik-Fil-A...Amazon...In and Out Burgers

Not to be outdone, allegedly free market conservatives have painted a bullseye around:

Target...Nike...Disney...Kellogg’s...ESPN....the NFL

My view? Boycotts are nothing more than tribal manipulation, a test of your political zeal. The lyric to a Rolling Stones song comes to mind...He can’t be a man ‘cause he doesn’t smoke the same cigarettes as me...The truth is that if you dig deep enough into the bowels of any company that makes any product or provides any service, you will find something objectionable. Somebody in the boardroom will have made bigoted comments, been accused of inappropriate sexual conduct, or donated to a questionable candidate. If you make it your goal to politicize every commercial transaction of your life, at some point you will find yourself filthy, dressed in animal skins, freezing your ass off in a cave, rubbing two sticks together. 

I am a right of center, small government conservative/libertarian. My political neighborhood has recently called upon my tribe to boycott Nike because of their decision to pick Colin Kaepernick as their spokesman. So, yesterday I had to buy new running shoes. I went to Shoe Carnival. There must have been a thousand shoes to pick from. My views about Mr. Kaepernick were a thousand miles from my head as I made my decision, which was based on a combination of quality, aesthetics and price.

So, my opinion? Boycotts are for suckers. If you want to be a preening, virtue signaling moron, help yourself.

                                             

                                            Boycotts

                        Don’t Do It

Checklist

Pre-Trip Planning Checklist:

# Haircut

# Clean out, fumigate, and organize tackle box.( I can’t keep putting this off...)

# By whatever means possible, bring body weight down below critical 190 level, before the three week calorie-fest to come.

# Purchase new running shoes. The old ones now have over 1500 miles on them. Much running to do in Maine to keep body weight under the Mendoza line by the time I return to RVA. Have debate with myself over whether or not to buy Nike shoes. Should I boycott the Kaepernick thing, or contribute to Nike’s bottom line considering the not insignificant position of their stock in my retirement portfolio?

# Go to Hope Thrift to search for quirky novels from the book section.

# Spend inordinate amount of time showering Lucy with love and affection to assuage guilt of decision to leave her at home. She already can sense our betrayal...

# Craft clever and thoughtful away message for office phone, striking the perfect balance between contrition, embarrassment, and gratitude for having taken two three week vacations in one summer.

# Make sure that all life-sustaining prescriptions are filled.

# Finish up all outstanding paperwork at work, prepare assistant for inevitable mistakes I will have left behind, reminding her of proper protocol for fixing them while I’m away...you can call, but I can’t promise I’ll answer. Remember to buy her a bag full of Maine gifts to present to her upon my return since I’m pretty sure she’s gonna be pretty pissed at me by then.

What’s Next?

You never know how a year is going to turn out when it starts. You can plan all kinds of things, but then stuff happens. 2018 has been an out of nowhere type of year where it’s been one thing after another. So, if you can tolerate it, let me catalogue the weirdness for you...

January...dishwasher blows up, flooding our kitchen, resulting in a week and a half stay in a hotel while our entire downstairs got ripped up and replaced. $

February...hole in wall caused by furniture movers takes two weeks and two different contractors to repair. One of our dearest friends in all the world becomes horribly ill and nearly dies, spending most of the month in the hospital clinging to life. Washing machine dies. $

March...Pam’s sister and mother have back to back surgeries. Pam has her credit card info stolen and some dude tries to buy a computer with it while we are in Myrtle Beach trying to get away from all of the tumult. We learn that Patrick and Sarah’s wedding is going to be a lot more expensive than we thought. $$$

April... I turned 60 and, as if on cue, begin having age-related difficulties...which are not only troubling, but also...$$

May...preparations for son’s nuptials heats up. Stress and strain begins to build. $$$$

June...wedding a fabulous success. Relief palpable.

July...back in the fall of 2017, flush with cash and optimism, and before I knew what a dumpster fire 2018 would turn out to be, I made the decision to book TWO three week vacations in Maine. Deposits were made, reservations confirmed. The July trip was a triumph. The upcoming September-October Trip feels excessive in light of...

August...upon our return from three weeks in Maine, our upstairs air conditioning unit rudely expired, along with our water heater...$$$$$

Although the amount of money I have spent this year on both the unexpected and the excessive is staggering, the silver lining is that business has been brisk, and has...so far...kept up with the deluge.

Nonetheless, despite the foolishness of it, I have not cancelled my second Maine vacation. We leave in one week to once again escape the madness of 2018. This will be our home for another three weeks. We will entertain a few friends for part of that time, and for all three weeks I won’t be thinking about how much any of it cost. I will live in the moment at this place...

It won’t be until the drive home when I’ll start worrying about which appliance will blow up when we walk in the door.

Would The Last Person Leaving America Please Turn Out The Lights?

Thirty years ago, this guy and his sorry excuse for a beard showed up in front of the Senate Judiciary committee for his confirmation hearings to become a Supreme Court Judge. Before the hearings were over, his last name had officially become a...verb.

According to Webster’s, to BORK someone is to...“to attack or defeat (a nominee or candidate for public office) unfairly through an organized campaign of harsh public criticism or vilification.” Ever since then, Supreme Court confirmations have become high drama passion plays. If the nominee is from a Republican President, the Code Pink ladies can be counted on to show up for their fifteen minutes of theatrics, warning us all about the large scale slaughter of women about to befall the republic. If the nominee is from a Democrat president, we can count on the NRA to predict the wholesale seizure of guns from law abiding citizens which is just around the corner. Each senator on the committee tries to outdo the other with empassioned speeches, masquerading as questions. When the nominee is a conservative and the proceedings get out of control, Democrats call the chaotic dissent, the highest form of patriotism. When the nominee is a liberal, the chaos is nothing less than high treason! For someone like me who is so easily embarrassed by government, it is about as bad as it gets.

Well, yesterday I actually learned something new. I saw something I had never seen before. I was on a treadmill at the gym...you know, running in place, getting nowhere ( how deliciously ironic ). The hearings were on the screens in front of me with captions at the bottom. It was later in the afternoon, so I had missed the pink ladies and the temper tantrums from the morning sessions. I was watching The Senators making their opening statements. The camera would alternate between the preening Lindsey Graham and the solemn stone face of the nominee. After a while, it got really boring watching his blank expression so I started checking out the various people behind the nominee in the first row of the gallery. The only person of interest was a reasonably attractive woman just off the nominee’s left shoulder. I didn’t know who she was. She looked too young to be his wife and too old to be his daughter. And that was about all the thought I gave her...until this morning.

According to the left, I learn that this woman’s name is Zina Bash, and not only is she insufferably smug, but she spent the entirety of her time on camera signaling to America that Brett Kavanaugh is the approved candidate of White Nationalists. How do they know this? Because she was flashing what everyone in America knows is the white power hand sign.

I consider myself a reasonably informed citizen. I mean, I don’t watch C-Span 24 hours a day, but I read a lot more than the average bear and try to keep up with what’s going on in the world. Well, this was a new one on me. Apparently, the universal sign for A-Ok ...

..has somehow been transformed into some sort of secret handshake of the Neo-Nazi movement. Only, if you spend two minutes researching the thing, you discover that the Anti-Defamation League says it’s a hoax perpetrated by the notorious website 4chan. But, why let the facts get in the way of a great story? If you look carefully at this photograph, the position of her right hand as it rests on her left forearm looks awfully suspicious...

Ladies and gentlemen, it has come to this in my country. 

Here’s my interpretation of this new hand sign...

Actually, the reach of the white power movement might be so much worse than I thought...