The Magic of a Camp Fire

We finally got around to having a fire last night. This house comes with a portable, light weight fire pit which you see above. This particular fire pit was perfect for my teetotaler inlaws! I set it up around 30 feet from our little beach, and the lake sucked all of the smoke away from the house like a champ. 

In the 30 plus years I have been coming to Maine, these late night campfires have been a staple. In the old Dummer's Beach days, all of the White family, along with their guests and campground friends would gather around, sometimes as many as 15 in the circle. Every night it was the same conversation, and the same routine. There would be Russ, with his broomstick fire poker, complaining about what a lousy fire his son-in-law had made. There was Vi, getting all of us up to speed on every physical ailment that had afflicted anyone and everyone at Dummer's. Then the tall tales of years past would begin...the time Pam got the worst sun burn of her life because she spent the entire day flirting with a pack of boys out on the swim float...the one about the high pitch scream that my Mother had let loose the first time she tried to go in the water, heard all the way up in Weld, they said. When we were younger, whenever it was time for the kids to go to bed, they would go around the circle in their footie pajamas and give everyone hugs and kisses. Once they were down, the topics of conversation would get more serious, and even more salacious...Apparently Bob and Lois are going through a hard time right now due to Bob's drinking problem!!...wait, maybe it's Lois who has the drinking problem, either way, all is not well over on PT 7.

Eventually, the fire would die down, and everyone would draw closer in the circle. The talk would fall away and we would all listen to the sizzle and pop of the flames. Someone would say, It's probably time to go to bed. A moment of silence...then, What do yau'll want for breakfast? Someone would say, fried bread...then someone else would suggest, blueberry pancakes. Vi would eventually say, We can do that. Then, one by one, we would stand up, stretch, and go to bed, smelling of smoke, thoroughly relaxed without a care in the world. It was my favorite part of the day.

Last night was exactly the same as the Dummer's Beach days, only a smaller circle, and no fat man in a truck coming around and grunting, Now, you folks be sure to put that fire good and out before you retire! After I made sure the fire was out, I walked out onto the dock and looked up at the sky. It was splashed with a million stars. The only sound was the steady buzz of the crickets.

I slept like a baby...

An Ice Cream Fiasco

Looks like we might have a cloudy day today, breaking a three day streak of astonishingly perfect weather. I'm debating whether or not I should take advantage of the clouds by playing golf. There are three courses within a thirty minute drive. Not an easy decision.

On the one hand, I love golf in Maine. The courses are all designed for people who like to walk. Each green is a short walk to the next tee box. Most courses up here are only 9 hole affairs with two sets of tee boxes for the front and back nines. This is a function of the fact that they don't get a ton of play throughout the year (it's hard to play golf in three feet of snow) and it's cheaper to maintain 9 greens instead of 18. It's incredibly cheap to play golf in Maine, at least at the courses where I play. To walk and rent a set of clubs will cost me $35-$45. The grounds are always emaculate, beautifully maintained, and the folks that run these places are as nice as they can be. Last year, I got paired up with three locals who could really play. Nicest guys I've ever played with. On the 11th hole, the skies got very dark and soon it was raining cats and dogs. We pulled over into a shelter. I mean, it is pouring buckets and the sky was ominous as far as the eye could see. None of my playing companions showed any sign of wanting to head to the clubhouse. I was assured by each of them that this was merely a "passing showah." As soon as it slowed to a moderate level of rain, these guys were ready to finish the round. I could hardly believe it! We had 8 more holes to play and these guys seemed perfectly fine playing in a steady rain. Well, there was no way this Virginian was going to tuck tail and run back to the clubhouse. Apparently, in Maine, one plays through inclement weather. By the time we got to the 17th green, puddles had started to form. I tried to putt through one such puddle from about 30 feet and came up 8 feet short. One of them deadpans, "When you're putting through puddles ya gotta hit it haaddah.."So, I finished the round in a driving rainstorm. By the time I was buying them a round of drinks at the 19th Hole Grill, I was soaked through to my Fruit of the Looms. I guess if you live in a place which for long stretches of the year looks like the inside of a snow globe, you don't let anybody or anything stop you from finishing a round of golf!

However, on the other hand, if I go off to play golf, that leaves Pam, Russ and Vi stranded here with no car. Of course, I could roll the dice with Uber. Do they do Uber in Maine? My luck, some guy would roll up in here with a log truck and say, Hang on back there!

Just ran the idea by my wife. She's thinking that her folks might want to go eat some fried clams at Mariner's in Camden today, so golf will have to wait.

One more thing...last night, after a dinner of red hot dogs, baked beans, and pink fluff (don't ask), we decided to drive into Camden for some River Ducks ice cream. For my wife, River Ducks is what she thinks of when she imagines what heaven looks like. Last year, her goal for the month of July was to sample each of the 12 Uniquely Maine flavors. She missed it by two, mostly because they ran out. Anyway, it's great ice cream and the most charming little stand you can imagine. If it's possible for an ice cream joint to have ambiance, then River Ducks has it. 

So, we walk up and olace our order with the server of the day, Sarah. Unfortunately, the State of the Day is Kentucky, so no free cones for us. I ordered Megunticook Chocolate Mayhem. Sarah asks, How many scoops? Without thinking I say...Two. Pam and Russ followed and ordered two scoops. Vi demurely asked for one scoop. 

I have no idea what we were thinking. We have been eating ice cream at River Ducks for like eight years now. We should know better. When the lovely Sarah handed me my two scoop Megunticook Chocolate Mayhem on a waffle cone, the thing was nearly a foot high from the pointy bottom of the cone to the decadent mounds of chocolate confection at the top. Immediately, I remembered that we always get one scoop. But, the damage had been done. I wasn't about to give it back. I should note, at this point, that neither Pam's or Russ' cones had been prepared. Both of them had plenty of time to correct their orders...but neither did. So, we set on the footbridge stuffing our faces with a pound of ice cream. They couldn't finish theirs....but I did.

So, this morning I will compensate for last night's ghastly display of indulgence by running an extra half mile and cutting back from four pieces of bacon to two. Sacrifice and discipline. That's me!

My First Swim

I finally worked up the courage yesterday afternoon to take a swim. It was a balmy 78 with abundant sunshine with very little wind. Lucy had already taken her maiden voyage to fetch her frisbee. I had run out of excuses. Since Pam was down in Portland picking up her parents at the airport, I had the added benefit of no human witnesses, so if I screamed like a child no one would be there to hear it.

Many people, including several Mainers had told me that since we were going up in September, although it might be a bit cooler out, at least the lake temperature would be warmer, having spent all summer basking in the warm sun. 

There was no basking. The sun must have been hiding behind clouds all summer. Quantabacook could do with a heaping helping of global warming. I jumped in around 3 o'clock in the afternoon. I jumped out around 3:02.

Lest you think I am some sort of southern wimp, I have been coming up here for over 35 years now and each year have spent many a day swimming in lakes. And yes, it has always been cold. In fairness, the first swim is always the worst, it generally gets easier each day. The body does build up a tolerance. But, holy cow! 

Maybe it's no colder than any other lake in any other year. Maybe it's just my 59 year old body tying to tell me that this sort of tomfoolery was all well and good when I was a young father with little children, but now that I'm older and have no logical reason to jump in ice cold water, it's simply unacceptable.

My inlaws made it to Loon Landing safe and sound. They made it just in time to watch the sun set from the back deck. Then we had a dinner of Italian sandwiches from the Fraternity General Store up the road which is sort of a White family tradition. After dinner, we got them both settled into their accommodations up on the hill behind our cottage. They will spend a week here with us.

It's a strange feeling. Life has a way of coming full circle. If I had never met Pam, I would never have come to Maine. In the early years of our marriage, when we were struggling a bit financially, Russ always paid for our site rental whenever we came up for summer vacation. He never wanted to take any money from me for my share of the grocery bill. It was the cheapest vacation you could imagine. All we had to do was show up. Once Pam became a full time, stay at home Mom, it was the only vacation we could afford.

Now, I get to return the favor. 

Of course, that doesn't mean my father in law gets a total free pass. I have a chore list a mile long and growing for him to get busy on while he's here. He will have to build the fires at night, including any requisite wood chopping. Oh, and if I smell red flannel hash anywhere on the property...he's OUT!!!

A Perfect Day for an Announcement

According to all the weather people, our first three days here were supposed to be a washout. Not even close. Yes, we've had a few showers, and the wind has blown some, but each day has had plenty of loveliness about it to enjoy. Now, this morning begins a string of three days of radiant sunshine and temperatures in the upper 70's. 

So, yesterday afternoon was a perfect example of what happens to my wife whenever she comes to Maine. I have said for years that she is never more beautiful than she is when she is here. Something magical happens to her, there's a peculiar bliss that paints itself on her face. Listen, I love coming here...but, Pam is enchanted. 

I had just settled in for my Sunday afternoon nap, while Pam was flitting this way and that around the house when her cell phone rings. It's a FaceTime request from our son and his girlfriend. This happens hardly ever. He calls...but when was the last time he Facetimed us with Sarah? One would think that a light might have gone off in Pam's head. We had been waiting for news from the two of them for months now. There they sat, smiling from ear to ear, snuggling close to each other. What does my wife do? Immediately, she launches in to a room by room video tour of our house and the grounds outside, going on and on about how perfect the place is and how delightful the views of the lake, etc..etc. Patrick and Sarah, to their great credit, were patient and attentive throughout the tour. Finally, Pam ran out of rooms and views, and stood still long enough for my son to make the announcement that he had proposed to Sarah and that she had said, Yes!! Joyous bedlam ensued.

A word about Sarah... I know that I speak for all parents when I say that from the time you are lucky enough to bring a child into this world, your every waking thought centers around their care and feeding. When they grow up and launch out on their own, your number one source of anxiety becomes, When will they find the one? You look at your own life and you understand how it has been made infinitely better, more joyful and complete by finding your own spouse, so you pray that your child finds the same thing. When my daughter found Jon, it was as if a giant weight had been lifted from us. We knew then, and it has been confirmed a thousand times since that he was and is perfect for her. So, the first time we met Sarah, something clicked. Here was a smart, talkative, opinionated, musical, tenderhearted, video game-playing beauty right out of central casting. My first reaction was, how did Patrick manage this?? Over the past couple of years we have had lots of opportunities to observe her in multiple situations. I have searched for warning signs, red flags, and found nothing. I was ready for them to get married long ago, but my son is the slow and careful type. He will not be hurried into anything, I have discovered. But, this weekend, he finally proposed and she accepted, and now...just like that, I have a new daughter.

After the call, I grilled hamburgers on the grill, and we had dinner on the deck while watching the sun disappear behind the pine trees across the lake, casting pink swirls in the western sky. I looked at Pam and she said, What an absolutely perfect day.

Yes. Yes it was.

Finding My Rhythm

Day 3 starts a chilly 50 degrees with fog shrouding the lake. There isn't a ripple of movement and no sound whatsoever. I have made the transition from Virginian to Main-ah in record time. It normally takes three or four days to find my rhythm here. I've managed to do it this year in 36 hours. For me it took a quick trip into Camden...

I noticed when I was up at the Fraternity Village General Store to buy Italian sandwiches that the spot in the cooler where the night crawlers were supposed to be was empty. Then, yesterday, when Pam made her opening trip to the Hannaford's in Belfast she found the same empty spot in their night crawler spot. Then she discovered the terrible news- post Labor Day in Maine, NO LIVE BAIT ALLOWED!!!

Ok, I should resist my usual snide comments about government overreach and the tyranny of the bureaucratic state, but..what career functionary is responsible for this bit of jackassery? By all means, lets arbitrarily pick a day of the year after which we will declare that if you're going to catch fish we must insist that you do so with artificial lures..because...well it doesn't really matter because we are the rule makers and we must do what we were born to do...make rules. In a temporary panic, I contacted my fishing expert, keeper of all manly information, and Maine fishing know it all, Alan:

Me: Dude, I'm in trouble. I just found out that it's too late in the year to use live bait to fish! What is a visitor from Virginia, without a license to do? I'm not a lure kind of guy...

Alan: First of all, don't panic. You need to find some Berkeley Gulp Worms. They fish just like live bait and they are legal. As far as the no license thing goes...all I can do is offer bail money.

Me: How much would a non resident temporary fishing license set me back?

Alan: Probably a lot, knowing Maine.

So, I drove into Camden to remedy the situation, pay my protection money to the Maine racket in charge of Inland Fisheries, and find me some Gulp Worms. We had been told that our beautiful little town wouldn't be crowded after Labor Day. We wouldn't recognize the place without the summer traffic clogging Main Street, they said. Lies. I had to park up at the library and walk three blocks to the store that accepts tribute money, only to be informed that this particular branch doesn't accept bribe payments, but their other store, a mere mile and a half away, does. Walking the three blocks back to my car, I passed by all of the familiar shops and noticed a couple of new ones. I paused a minute and just looked around. The thought came to me that I wouldn't want to be anywhere else in the world right now than here in Midcoast Maine.

The second branch of Camden Sporting Goods expertly took my shakedown money with all of the faceless efficiency of a Soviet era government cheese store. For the privilege of three weeks worth of legal fishing, I would be charged $64. The twenty-something clerk who filled out the paperwork was a dual threat since not only was he up to speed with the paperwork required to keep the wheels of the state fully greased, he also knew exactly what a Gulp Worm was and twenty more dollars later, I was once again a fully equipped, law abiding fisherman. At this point Alan had more sage advice:

Alan: Ok, be careful with the Gulp juice...it stinks. Don't get it on your clothes and don't open it inside the house. Pam will not be pleased. Lisa hates Gulp!!

Armed with this crucial information, I drove the twenty minutes back to Quantabacook. I took the back way, a road that wound its way over hills and around sweeping curves. One minute there would be the trashy yards of old houses, bespoiled with ancient rusted vehicles and piled high with mountains of firewood. The next minute, over the rise of a hill, a lush valley would be revealed, sweeping fields of grass punctuated by a few grey boulders covered with moss. Off in the distance there would be a lake. There is always a lake. By the time my back road finally emerged onto a more familiar one, I had found my groove.

I'm on vacation...

We Made It.

We made it. After walking around this gorgeous property for half an hour gawking at everything like unashamed tourists, we sat down on the dock and watched the late afternoon sun set the lake on fire in a splash of sparks. It's everything we hoped it would be..on stilts. Soon, we noticed a house across the lake, maybe three quarters of a mile away. We heard the sound of a boat, then saw it cutting a soft line across the water. It looked to be headed our way. I expected that at any moment in would veer north towards more open waters where the lake spreads out for miles. But no...it was still making a bee-line towards us. I turned to Pam...If those people are coming over to welcome us to Maine, this has to be the friendliest lake in America! 

And that's exactly what Wendy and Bob and their English Cream Golden, Finley did. They noticed us sitting on the dock of their friend's place and decided to pop across the lake and say hello. Small world. As a teenager, Bob happened to work in the same mill in Rumford, Maine that Russ did. They were both very familiar with Richmond, Virginia and complemented us on living in such a beautiful city. Their dog Finley happens to be a dead ringer for Jackson, my daughter's Golden. I laid out the subtle suggestion that perhaps later they can take us on a tour of the lake in their beautiful boat. We had been here less than an hour and we had already made some friends.

The house is incredible, but very tiny. Funny how cameras make things look so much larger. No closets. Kitchen has very small cabinets in which to place groceries. Bathroom has no vanity, and only a small three drawer cabinet to store all the chemicals and compounds that make us look presentable. The shower stall has no place to place bottles of shampoo, conditioner or body wash. When you find yourself in a place such as this you realize just how much stuff you drag around with you. But, Pam has worked her usual organizational miracle, and the place looks less cluttered now, ready for what the next three weeks will bring. Dan the Man will deliver the Kayaks and paddle board momentarily.

As delightfull as all of this is, I feel quite uncomfortable gushing about it all while so many of my countrymen are scrambling to escape the State of Florida as Irma barrels down. It feels inappropriate to be enjoying this rapturous piece of God's creation while others are fleeing, about to lose everything. But, I suppose this has always been true of life...when something marvelous happens to you, there is always something terrifying happening to someone else, some place else. Such is the nature of this fallen world.

So, we will enjoy everything that is here for us. We will pray for those in harm's way, and send another donation to those on the front lines. 

The Adventures of Mad Max, Dunnevant edition...

There's just no good way to get to Maine. 

You could walk, but that would be labor intensive, would take too long, and you run the risk of dying along the way. You could fly, but then you run the risk of flight delays and lost baggage. Besides, you couldn't take all the stuff necessary for a month of fun. The best way to go to Maine is the way we used to do it when we were younger and less obsessed with the safety of our children. We would take the middle seats out of our minivan, throw the kids on the floorboard in sleeping bags, tethered to nothing, and depart beautiful downtown Short Pump at 7:30 PM. By the time we made it to D.C. Both of them were fast asleep. Our first stop was after midnight somewhere on the New Jersey Turnpike for gas and a bathroom break...which the kids slept through. The worst part would always be in Massachusetts at 4:00 in the morning when I could only stay awake if Pam fed me grapes and squirt cheese on Chicken-in-a-Biscuit crackers. When the sun finally came up around 6:00, I would get my second wind. We would make our second stop at the first rest area after crossing the green bridge into Maine. We would wake up the kids and have breakfast, secure in the knowledge that the worst part was over and now we were only two freaking hours away!! Once we pulled into Dummers around 10:00 AM, i would sleepwalk through getting unpacked and settled in, then collapse in a beach chair and sleep the rest of the day.

...and ladies and gentlemen, this was the best way to get to Maine.

Somewhere along the line, our all-nighters came to an end. The kids got too big and wouldn't sleep the whole way, and I got to where I couldn't stay awake no matter what disgusting snacks Pam fed me. It was then that we discovered that making the drive up 95 north in the daylight was something on the order of Dante's seventh circle of hell. I felt like Mad Max trying to survive a dystopian nightmare. I would imagine all of the horrible things that would befall me if I broke down on the Garden State Parkway, the grisly end I would endure if somehow I couldn't scrape up enough money for the Tappan Zee Bridge toll. And the traffic...the traffic through the trifecta of misery which is New Jersey, New York and Connecticut during the day is immeasurably worse than it is in the middle of the night. It's sort of like how tofu is immeasurably worse than steak, or how having a surprise attack of diarrhea while stuck in traffic is immeasurably worse than being served ice cream on a beach in Maui by a beautiful local girl in native dress. That kind of worse.

So, this year we are trying the famous western route, the stuff of legend in the Richmond-to-Maine travel world. For years we had heard of its toll free roads, its idyllic traffic and bucolic scenery. Yes, it's a little longer, they would say, but so worth it. 

Its definitely longer.

Yesterday it took me 10 hours and 15 minutes to drive to Hartford, Connecticut. There were three backups. During these interminable delays, we comforted ourselves by gazing at the bucolic scenery. Nice....Oh look honey, some cows! On the plus side, I only paid one toll...$1.50.

Today, I'm told by the GPS( Great Pissed-off Sensor ) that I only have 5 hours remaining before arriving at Loon Landing on Quantabacook Lake. Lies. All lies. It will take 5 hours only if there are no accidents, Hong Kong level traffic, no horrific weather event and no backups caused by a couple of minivans pulled over to the side of the road so junior can take a leak in the bushes. In other words...never gonna happen.

But, regardless of what happens on today's leg of this trip, at the end of it we will be at a lake house in Maine.

And that is the best revenge.