Time to Party?

I would like for you, dear reader, to engage in a little thought experiment with me today. Let's assume for purposes of this experiment that you are married. You and your spouse are having a tough time living within your means. In fact, you are spending a lot more than you're making... a LOT more. Matter of fact, back 6 years ago you were spending roughly $13000 more each year than you earned. That's over a thousand a month, obviously unsustainable. So, you decide that something has to be done, after all, 6 years ago your reckless spending had managed to pile up $110,000 in debt.

 So, one night over coffee, you and the wife sit down and hammer out a plan to put your financial house in order. You decide that each of you are going to get second jobs because you obviously don't make enough money. In addition you pledge to stop spending money you don't have. But, old habits are hard to break and although you manage to make more money with the second jobs, and you do manage to put a dent in your profligate spending, you discover that it's harder than you thought to stop a runaway train. Six years after your austerity plan, you have made progress. Now you are making more money, and you have managed to cut that spending, but you are still spending $4500 more a year than you're making. While this amounts to an admirable 60% drop in spending, your total debt has continued to grow, now at $182,000 and climbing.

So, you both decide that to celebrate your 60% reduction in deficit spending, a trip to the Bahamas is called for, a no expense spared, all-inclusive blowout because...well, you've earned it!

Throw a boatload of zeros at the end of all my numbers above and that's exactly what has happened to the United States over the last 6 years. I don't have any problem with the President taking credit for  good economic news. God knows he would get blamed for bad news! But I find his conclusion that since now we are "only" spending 450 BILLION dollars more than we bring in each year, it's time to go on a spending spree...ludicrous. 

Super Bowl Observations

Midway through the third period of last nights game, I was feeling rather smug about my prediction of a Seattle blowout. The Seahawks were up 24-14, and the wheels appeared to be coming off for New England. Then Tom Brady started doing what he's been doing for the past 15 years, playing the quarterback position with robotic efficiency, slinging perfect passes to his latest collection of midget receivers.

It's very easy to dislike a guy like Brady, he of the cleft chin matinee idol good looks, the Warren Buffet sized bank account and the smoking hot wife. He of the breezy, effortless confidence and annoying Uggs billboards. But there is no denying his accomplishments on the football field,where he simply has no contemporary peer, having just won his fourth Super Bowl. The fact that he led his team to two fourth quarter touchdowns to win the game should come as a surprise to absolutely no one.

Still, there were the Seahawks driving down the field for the winning score with time winding down, aided by a miraculous bobbling catch that put the ball on the five yard line. After Marshawn Lynch dragged 11 guys down to the one with 30 seconds left, it seemed a sure bet that Seattle was about to steal the game. Then, for reasons that escape me and roughly 20 million other football fans, Pete Carroll decides to NOT give the ball to the most devastating running back I've seen play the game since Earl Campbell. Instead, he calls for a pass, a slant to somebody named Davey Crockett or something. Some other nameless rookie intercepts the ball. Game over. The cameras cut to Brady jumping up and down on the sidelines like a middle schooler. Pete Carroll hangs his head in disbelief at his own stupidity. What a finish!

Of course, there was a halftime show. Katy Perry and a cast of thousands. My son pointed out to me that the halftime show at the Super Bowl long ago ceased to be about music, having instead become mini- Olympic Games opening ceremonies. As such, this one was pretty dazzling. Everyone kept their clothes on, there were virtually no hyper-sexualized themes, and Miss Perry's outfits were kinda cool.

This year's commercials were...surprising. It seemed like no matter the product being pitched, the theme was "aren't Dads great?" One ad after another extolled the many virtues of fatherhood. There's Dad making breakfast with his little boy at 2 in the morning. There's Dad picking up his crying high school daughter in the pouring rain. There's Dad dropping his daughter off at the airport, tears flooding his eyes. It was quite refreshing actually. Normally, Dad is depicted as a clumsy, incompetent rube in commercials, always having to be bailed out by the wise wife. It was nice to see men depicted as something besides money-grubbing, ass-grabbing drunks.

So another football season can be laid to rest, leaving us only 63 days removed from the first pitch of baseball season. Yeah, baby!!

The Transformation of Bruce Jenner

It was 1976. I had just graduated from high school. I was working at Lowe's hardware on Broad Street saving every dime for a planned trip out west at the end of the summer. I was supposed to go to college after high school but I wanted to travel the country first. That summer was an Olympic Games year. They were held in Montreal and the only things I remember about them were that the Communist countries were winning all the medals, and America had a Decathlon champion named Bruce Jenner. He was amazing, a one man phenomenon of California cool and athletic grace combined with movie star good looks. The gold medal looked good on him. After those games he went into show business with some television movies for awhile then disappeared until he resurfaced in a reality show called Keepin Up With the Kardashians which I can proudly say I have never watched.

This morning, I was minding my own business trying to stay well informed when I ran across a story announcing that Bruce Jenner is undergoing a " transformation" into a woman. Apparently he and his family are thrilled. So far it's been little things like growing his hair out, wearing makeup and showing up at family gatherings with manicured nails, but soon we are assured that the changes will be more noticeable, more flamboyant. To satisfy the American appetite for all things puerile, Mr. Jenner is having the feminization filmed, to be aired at a later date as a reality series.

I am doing my absolute best to be a modern, sensitive and caring man. I really am. With the assistance of my two grown children, I have boldly stepped into the 21st century by broadening my food choices,(Indian cuisine), eliminating boorish thoughts and dated, harmful words from my vocabulary,(Kraught, towel-head, Jap etc..), and come to become more tolerant and understanding of lifestyle choices that I find personally disgusting and abhorrent. But, there are times when I see
pictures and read stories about a man like Bruce Jenner turning himself into a woman, and I just
wonder what the hell is this world coming to?

From the story I learn that the appropriate response to Mr. Jenner's "decision" is acceptance, even celebration. I should be thrilled for him that he is finally finding happiness. Moreover, I should be inspired by his "courage." It's as if he has just announced to the world that he has decided to devote the rest of his life to feeding the hungry in Bombay. Clearly, God made an awful mistake knitting him together in his mother's womb and blessing him with an Adonis physique and the athletic ability of a small "g" God. The fact that Mr. Jenner used the sexual organs that God gave him to produce 6 beautiful and devoted children was a cosmic accident as well. A friend of the family is quoted as saying that "Bruce feels as if he has finally cast aside a bag of bricks that he has carried for so long. He feels free."

Reading the story, it dawns upon me that despite the efforts of my children, I still retain the ability to

be shocked and saddened by what 95% of all human beings that have ever walked upon this earth would have considered a sickness. It seems that 21st century man is the first to be asked to celebrate the degenerate. But, that last sentence would probably be considered hate speech nowadays. When in truth it is simply an honest declaration of my heart. I can summon no admiration, no celebration. I see no courage. I see a confused, addled man-child living in a reality television universe that has transformed the concept of truth into an incomprehensible mess. The only emotion I can summon is pity.

An Office Adventure and a Super Bowl Prediction

Last year Pam and I agreed to host a couple of Liberty University nursing school students in our home every other weekend for a couple of months while they participated in a work study program at St. Mary's hospital. We thoroughly enjoyed the experience, especially Pam since it gave her a couple of young people to spoil and pamper and cook fabulous food for, her life's calling. Yesterday, we got our second batch of girls, Anna and Elayne. They arrived around 4:30 in the afternoon, doe-eyed and earnest, and judging by their exuberant response to their first meal at Casa Dunnevant, the poor things haven't had any decent food in years. It's nice to have kids in the house again.

Had an unfortunate medical issue at the office yesterday which I will write about as carefully as possible to avoid providing too much unwanted information. I was minding my own business preparing for a 3 o'clock appointment when at approximately 2:15 I began to feel hot. Then I felt myself beginning to sweat. Then came intense cramps. Ten minutes later I was holding on to the railings in the restroom for fear that I was about to pass out, by this time having sweated through my shirt. By 2:45 it was all over and apart from the soaked shirt and flushed white complexion, I was back to relative normal. I did have to cancel the appointment. Bizarre.

I'm not big on making Super Bowl predictions because most years I don't care enough to have formed an opinion about either team. But this year is different. I'm not a huge fan of either team. My only bias is my desire that the local boy Russell Wilson has a good game. I suppose I would rather see the Seahawks win the game. But here's the thing...I have this weirdly confident feeling that Seattle is going to blow out the Patriots. If I was a betting man, which I am NOT, I would be confident enough to lay down serious money, my hunch is that strong. It boils down to this, I think that Seattle's defense is vastly more athletic than New England's offense. With the exception of Gronk, an athletic freak, the rest of the Patriot skill players are average. the back seven of Seattle are all gifted athletes that I believe will overwhelm them. So there, I said it. Seattle in a blow out. If the Patriots win, feel free to mock me.

My Strange Dog

There is something mysterious about dogs. Usually that term is applied to cats since everything about them is mysterious. But with dogs its different. This morning was a perfect example.

I came down the stairs at my usual time. Lucy is generally always asleep or at least dozing on her bed in the living room. But this morning she was standing at the window looking out into the darkness in a high state of anxiety. First a few muffled barks, then an intense, menacing growl came forth from some dark place within her as she stiffened, erect and alert. I walk over to comfort her but she was having none of it. I looked out the window and saw nothing in the darkness. I turned on the front porch light which revealed an entirely empty front yard. I put the leash on Lucy and took her out for her morning constitutional. Although she eventually took care of business, she did so only after a thorough inspection of the entire yard, all the while growling with her head on a swivel. Once back inside, she showed no interest in her breakfast, preferring to remain on full alert at the front windows.

Although this was a unique incident, there have been other times when Lucy snaps her head skyward with wide eyes, and soft growl at some unseen thing. It's as if she sees things that we don't. We already know that dogs hear frequencies of sound that our ears do not recognize. Molly used to run into the middle of the back yard and start howling for no apparent reason, then 15 seconds later we would hear the approaching rescue squad siren. Maybe dogs also see things that we cant see. I'm not a big believer in ghosts and spirits, but when I see the hair on Lucy's back come up as she stairs down an empty hallway, it gives me the creeps.

We know that there are some dogs who can detect cancer in someone, who can actually smell it on them. These amazing animals seem to have some sort of gifted intuition. Of course, in Lucy's case it might just be that she is neurotic enough to be capable of doggy hallucinations. Or we might have mice. Who knows?

But it wouldn't surprise me at all if we one day discover that dogs are dialed in to the spirit world in ways that no one ever imagined.

Global Warming, the explanation for everything.

As the great blizzard of 2015 is walloping the east coast, I am being equally pummeled by the confusing claims of the climate change experts. A year ago a New York Times story appeared with the provocative headline, " the end of snow?" The global warming  cartel at the United Nations back in 2001 confidently predicted much milder winters and much less snowfall, claiming particularly that large snowstorms would virtually disappear. Well, we're only halfway through the 2010's and this is the 14th such mega snow storm to hit the east coast, making the past ten years the snowiest on record.  No worries though, because now the climate gurus tell us that major snowstorms like this are actually caused by the very same climate change forces that were supposed to make them a thing of the past.

Huh?

There's one thing I've noticed over the years with the settled science of global warming. No weather event ever provides anything but confirmation for scientists. Having lots of tornados? That's because of global climate change. Where have all the tornados gone? Global climate change. You say you're having a mild winter? Of course you are. Global climate change will do that. Getting hammered by one killer snowstorm after another? Why, it's that global climate change again!

The other day I read a story that proclaimed 2014 as the hottest year on record. A few days later another story comes out that had the same dudes at NASA who made the original claim walking back the story and admitting that the claim was made based on one-hundreds of a degree variations. All of this despite the fact that the planet's "inevitable, incontrovertible" warming trend is now in it's 18th year of...not warming. It's enough to drive a non-scientist to drink.

I'm not only not a scientist, I'm not even science-y. I don't even like Sci-Fi. But I am a relatively alert observer of contemporary culture and current events. Here's what I have observed over the last twenty years about global warming/climate change. It seems to be a totally unfalsifiable theory in that  no weather event anywhere in the world ever serves any purpose other than serving as more "proof" that global warming/climate change is real and that we are all doomed unless we tax something or someone to death to fix it. If anyone brings up the strange gymnastics required to blame both too much snow and not enough snow on the same theory, the true believers look at you like you've got two heads. " How dare you question the settled science, you flat-earth denier!!"

Things I Don't Believe

What follows is a partial list of stuff I don't believe. Some of them are things I may have believed at one time but no longer do because of education, training and experience. Some are things that I have never believed but are listed here because so many other people do. Some are people who I believe cannot be trusted to tell the truth. Some are people who do tell the truth on occasion but have lapsed into the bad habit of circumstantial fibbing. This is not to say that I always tell the truth. Far from it. We are all capable of lies great and small. These are merely the ones which are most obvious to me.

1. With regards to Barack Obama... I do not believe that he is a Muslim, a closet Communist, or is secretly trying to destroy the country because he hates America. No one in the history of this Republic has benefitted more from the American Dream than our current President, and I believe he knows this full well. There's a gigantic difference between being a Manchurian candidate and being merely mistaken about policy. I profoundly disagree with his conception of the role of government and the nature and purpose of the Constitution. This does not require me to adopt a conspiracy theory which places the President of the United States at the center of some nefarious plot to destroy the country. Calm down people.

2. I do not believe that global warming is the gravest threat to the survival of the planet. That prize goes to the existence of thermo-nuclear devices winding up in the hands of an outfit like a Boko Haram. I believe that science knows precious little about something as impossibly complex as planetary climate and to advance the notion that their limited knowledge is complete and certain enough to call for the reordering of society is the single worst example of hubris ever to manifest itself on planet earth.

3. In 2008 I believed that Sarah Palin was a nice enough person but had no business being a heartbeat away from the Presidency. Today, I believe that she is an embarrassing nut job.

4. I once believed that Bill Belichick and the New England Patriots were always being accused of cheating because the rest of the league was jealous and simply tired of getting their collective asses kicked. Now I believe that maybe they are cheaters. Where there is this much smoke, there's bound to be some fire.

5. I used to believe that church was too stuffy. Now I don't think church is stuffy enough. Too much glib familiarity and not enough reverence and awe.

6. Modern education theory and practice hasn't had a decent idea since the one room schoolhouse.

7. Speaking of education, there probably exists nowhere a more destructive idea than the notion that "anyone can teach."  While anyone might, in fact, be allowed to teach, real teachers are those very few among us with the gift of teaching. The ones without this gift comprise the majority of employed teachers in America. Those with this gift change the world.

8. I do not believe that the history of the world is the story of decline and ruin, rather I believe that history illustrates the evidence for the gradual betterment of mankind. Who among us would prefer to live in the Middle Ages with its barbarism or even the 1920's in America when the second leading cause of death was diarrhea?

9. I believe that salvation is a lot simpler than the Catholics would have us believe and a lot more complicated than we Baptist hope it is.

10. I used to believe that Walt Whitman was an overrated hack. But the other night I read "A Song of Myself" again and discovered that it was quite beautiful.