A Word About My Dog, Molly

My Golden Retriever, Molly, turns 10 this month. She has been, and continues to be, the surest affirmation of grace ever to have entered my life. Her intelligence, beauty, and zest for life have been a thing of legend in our family. It’s an exercise of profound mystery to consider the moral and ethical superiority of dogs to human beings. But, when I think of the colossal changes that have occurred in the world during Molly’s ten years, it becomes clear to me that Molly alone, among all of my family, friends and acquaintances, has been the immovable, steadfast north star. Not once in 10 years has she been angry with me, cool with her affection, bored with my stories, or anything else but delighted with my mere presence in the room.

Here’s what this dog provides for me and my family. Each morning she greets us with unbridled enthusiasm for the day. Every afternoon when any of us return home from work or school, we are greeted like rock stars, so uncontrollably thrilled is she with the celebration of our amazing and miraculous return. It’s as if she spent all day worrying that this time, we would never come home and she would never see us again. Every day she encourages us to take at least a few minutes to play. She brings us a ball with the hope that we will forget about whatever it was that put the anxiety and frustration on our faces. We never disappoint her. Even when we accidentally step on her tail, she yelps in pain and then scurries toward us, desperate to reassure us that it wasn’t our fault. To Molly we always are the person we so desperately want to be to everyone else, enchanting, charismatic, and heroic.

This isn’t to say that having a dog is all sunshine and roses. Having a 90 pound beast under foot is a game changer for any family. In Molly’s case it means the continuous and daily administration of three different oral medications. It means giving her a bath every week of her life with special shampoo and conditioner to keep her various allergies at bay. I have spent more money on medications and doctor’s appointments over the last 10 years on Molly than my two human children combined. It means never being able to eat a meal in peace. She is always at my elbow with her mournful countenance and hopeful whining. It means never being able to have a spontaneous moment where we throw everything in a suitcase and head to the beach or the mountains, because preparations always have to be made for Molly. Lucky for her and us, my sister and her family live right down the street and they too have fallen under Molly’s charms.

Lately I’ve noticed that she is aging. The fur around her eyes has turned snowy white. Her stamina isn’t what it once was. She doesn’t last as long on walks or fetch the sticks with endless enthusiasm like she once famously did. And lately, she has started having trouble navigating the stairs. It takes her awhile to stand when she’s been laying down. I have noticed the beginnings of a limp. With these disturbing visitations has come the stark, cold realization that Molly will not always be with us. We all make this bargain when we bring a puppy home. We embrace the beauty and wonder of a dog knowing that she comes to us with mortal strings attached. She will blaze through our life, lighting up our world with happiness, and then she will leave us entirely too soon. She is a loan, a grace note sent from God to help us deal with the brutality and disappointment that can often be our existence. We pay back this heavenly loan by learning to treat those we love like Molly treats us, with unconditional respect and gleeful appreciation. The debt can never be paid in full, because we just aren’t good enough. I will never be as wonderful as Molly thinks I am. But I will spend my life trying to be.

Week 6...Dang those Hokies!!

Last week I was once again reminded that every single time I exhibit even a trace of sympathy for Virginia Tech, it always ends up coming back to haunt me. Clemson rolls into Blacksburg and the Hokies look like a Pop Warner team on national television, prohibiting me from a perfect 6-0 record. The lengths they will go to humiliate me! Well, it’s week 6 and I have learned my lesson….I’m picking the bastards again!

Virginia Tech vs. Miami

No matter how much I might loathe Tech, picking the Miami Hurricanes over any team from Virginia is a bridge too far , even for a Hokiephobe like myself. Besides, Miami is dreadful. They were outplayed by Bethune Cookman for two quarters last week, for crying out loud. So, here I go again picking Tech to win for the 6th consecutive week. The game itself will be unwatchable, however with Tech escaping by a score of 20-17.

Oklahoma vs. Texas

The “Red River Rivalry” continues today in the Cotton Bowl. Oklahoma is the second best team in college football and Texas is not. The Sooners have a quarterback named “Landry Jones”. Any guess what pro team his Dad likes? Easy pick here. Oklahoma is better in practically all phases of the game and they will win 35-20. Yee-Haw!

Florida vs. LSU

In the second half of last week’s game against Alabama, it was hard not to feel sorry for the Gators. The beastly Bama defense had knocked Florida’s quarterback out of the game and into next week and the poor freshman they threw in there looked like a skinny, terrified 1st Century Christian being fed to the lions. Well, unless the kid received some sort of miracle talent and experience transfusion during practice this week, I suspect more carnage in Baton Rouge. LSU 28- 10.

Ohio State vs. Nebraska

I have a buddy who lives and dies Nebraska football. He constantly talks trash about the Cornhuskers, and Jae is about as fine a trash-talker as there is. But after the debacle in Madison last week, all of his dreams of Big 10 domination by the “black-shirts” will suffer a humiliating blow if Nebraska somehow loses this game. Seriously, Ohio State’s offense is so bad the St. Louis Rams defense thinks they suck. So, Nebraska better win this game or Bo Pelini will need to start polishing up his resume. Nebraska 24- 17.

Auburn vs. Arkansas

How would you like to be the Auburn Tigers? Here it is week 6 of the season and they are playing their 4th ranked opponent, three of them, including this one , on the road. But such is the life of the defending national champions. Arkansas comes off an amazing comeback victory over Texas A&M ( expertly predicted right here baby!!) while Auburn comes off another thrilling victory over a very good South Carolina team in Columbia. Hardest pick of the week , sports fans, but I’ll take Auburn, if for no other reason than the fact that Bobby Petrino is a dirt bag. Go Tigers, 27-24.

Florida State vs. Wake Forest

That’s right…Wake Forest. Who would have thought that this game would have actually meant something when the schedules came out last year? If not for an opening game overtime loss against Syracuse, the Demon-Deacons would be undefeated. They are 2-0 in the ACC and have the underwhelming Seminoles in Winston-Salem. The fact that my daughter is in grad school at Wake has absolutely nothing to do with this pick, because as much as I would love to see them win, they will not. Wake, after all, is an academic institution first and last, and Florida State is a football school first and last. Wake will hang tough but lose in the end, 24-16.

Occupy Wall Street....the End of Irony

I hereby declare the death of irony. Hipsters from every borough of New York City have converged on the financial district to “occupy Wall Street”. As if on cue, they have been joined by the usual Hollywood celebrities and various labor union bosses. Some have declared this to be a new “revolution” in America, a progressive answer to the Tea Party movement. While the Tea Party, as close as I could tell, was agitating for less and less government, the Occupy Wall Street crowd just can’t get enough of it. I checked out one of several lists of demands found on the official web site to get the flavor. The first four bullet points racked up a whopping 6 trillion in government spending. It takes a ton of money to raise the minimum wage to $20 an hour, give everyone a free college education, declare universal, single-payer health insurance for all, and guarantee every American a “living wage, regardless of employment”. Wow, a living wage guaranteed to me regardless of whether I work or not?? Sign me up!!! My personal favorite demand was an immediate default on “all debt”, whether its sovereign debt , college loan debt , or mortgage debt. How wonderful would that be? Although a problem might potentially arise when our defunded military-industrial-complex is faced with the Chinese army ,navy, and air force, who probably won’t be too thrilled with the fact that we just welched on over one trillion of Chinese government holdings. Still, imagine how cool it would be to tell all of your creditors to take a hike. Of course, if this idea ever did become law I would feel like a gigantic sap. 12 years ago when I built this house, the bank told me I could qualify for a $600,000 loan. But , like an idiot, I only borrowed $230,000. Can you imagine how much bigger a house I could have built if I had known that 12 years later my loan would be wiped out , thanks to a couple thousand college kids in New York??. Oh well, timing is everything.

So, why is this the death of irony? Watching and reading and listening to this thing unfold, and hearing the sad news of the death of Steve Jobs, it occurred to me that the Hipster generation has lost all connection to it's roots. We have been told that the home of irony is the hipster generation. Books have been written about it, the internet abounds with essential guides to Hipster Irony. And yet, practically everything I know about Occupy Wall Street has been delivered to me by products conceived and produced by the biggest, baddest capitalist enterprise on Earth…Apple Computer. Videos of all the action are filmed on I-Phones, dispatches posted to facebook via hipster i-pads and Macbooks, all the while, the sound track pounds through the earphones courtesy of i-pods. How could kids so manifestly anti-capitalist not see the profound irony in their complete devotion to and adoration of the products of a company so manifestly anti-union as Apple Computer ? But I give everyone of those kids up there a pass. Most of them are in their early twenties, and their active and eager minds have not yet been seasoned with enough life experience to save them from this sort of thing. But when the big-shots of labor unions start showing up at a movement whose goal it is to take down “Wall Street”. Well, then, that’s another story. Irony takes another blow at the sight of labor union bosses decrying the evil greed of Goldman Sachs, when their members’ pension plans are being managed by the very companies they seek to vilify. If a riot breaks out and the shares of US companies tank as a result, the rank and file union members will have their leaders to thank when they open their 401-K statements in January.

But, even though there are many reasons to roll the eyes at some of the stupidity on parade at Occupy Wall Street, there is an element of sincerity and righteous indignation for which I have great sympathy. They may have the wrong remedy, but their essential claim that something is terribly wrong with our financial system is true. At 53 I understand that the problem isn’t as simple and its solution isn’t as easy as demonizing banks, or even politicians. There is blood on all of our hands for the mess in which we find ourselves. Greed isn’t the sole possession of the rich, just as laziness and looking for a handout isn’t the sole possession of the poor.

I think I'm getting cocky

OK…Just for kicks, since I have gone a quite respectable 22-8 in my five week college football prognostication career, I will go out on a very precarious limb and offer up my NFL visions. I will include no attempts at wit or levity since there is nothing funny about the NFL. This week’s winners will be:

Chicago
Buffalo
Cleveland
Detroit
Houston
New Orleans
Minnesota
Philadelphia
Washington
Arizona
Atlanta
Green Bay
New England
San Diego
Baltimore

Feel free to ridicule the cluelessness of these picks.

WEEK 5 Time for redemption!

I went 3-3 last week and I’m not happy about it. UofR decided to employ a daring new strategy of playing NO defense at all just for fun, and just see what would happen. Well, what happened was a 45-43 loss, at home. Then UVA takes yet another two steps backwards as a program by losing to Southern Miss. Ahhh, the ACC, that college football juggernaut, whose teams last week lost to the likes of : Southern Miss, Temple, Kansas State, and Cincinnati. So I guess you can hardly blame them for running out THESE stellar opponents in week 5: Towson, Bethune-Cookman, Idaho, and Florida International. Please. Somebody needs to defend this pathetic conference to me because ripping them every week is getting boring. Here we go….

Virginia Tech vs. Clemson

So I guess these two teams represent the cream of the ACC crop. Clemson has looked somewhat impressive so far but I’m not entirely convinced that they can play defense. VT, has hardly broken a sweat in the softest opening 4 games in the 5000 year history of competition, so I have no way of knowing who they are either. But, they are at home, the lunch pail will get its obligatory sideline shot, Tech fans will get to pretend that they are a serious contender and Tech wins 38-35 proving that , in fact, Clemson cannot play defense.

Alabama vs. Florida

Meanwhile, over in the SEC where real contenders live, Alabama goes into the Swamp to take on the Urban Meyer-less Gators. I am totally convinced that Alabama not only plays defense, they play it better than half the teams in the NFL. Alabama’s linebackers look like real grown men to me so you’re not going to catch me picking against them, at least not this week. Roll Tide 24-10.

Nebraska vs. Wisconsin

A lot of red. Russell Wilson Heisman talk ramps up big time after this one. Badgers win 35-20 when the famed “black shirt” defense is mistakenly put on a plane to Kansas State out of force of habit.

Texas A&M vs. Arkansas

The Aggies faithful are positively giddy over the announcement that they have been accepted into the SEC for next year. After this week, buyers remorse sets in. “ Wait a minute,” a coach is overheard saying after the game, “you mean to tell me that we have to play against guys like THIS each and every week?? Where in hell are the Iowa State’s on the schedule? Whose idea was this anyway??” Look on the bright side Aggie fan, at least you won’t be in the Longhorn shadow anymore. That’s gotta count for something, right? Razorbacks 28-21.

JMU vs. UofR

Madison lost their star quarterback to a failed drug test, proving that Division I-AA has come a long way, baby. Wasn’t too long ago when the only time a Division I-AA school lost a player was when they failed a Physics test. But now we’re out there recruiting drug users with the big boys. Lucky for the Dukes, Richmond plays no defense, so JMU could throw their equipment manager out there under center and still win this one. JMU 37- 24. Sigh…

Auburn vs. South Carolina

In Columbia, the student section rocks with the hearty cheer, “ GO COCKS, GO!! “, a somewhat creepy double entendre. For the last 30 years or so, that’s about the most fun Gamecock fans had, the chance to shout an obscenity in public without censure. But now, under the obnoxiously reprehensible leadership of Steve Spurrier, and a game-changing running back named Marcus Lattimore, they are finally relevant. Actually, they are quite good from what I’ve seen so far this year. But something tells me that Auburn wins this game. I know, I know…last time I went with my “trick knee” Florida State let me down. But I am nothing if not unteachable. Tigers win 40-35.

Why I Envy Liberals

After observing politics for the past 35 years, it occurs to me that being a political liberal is, by a hundred miles, the easiest thing in the world to be. In fact, I have come to the place where I actually envy men and women of the left. I do not envy them their beliefs, or their tortured associations, or their all-encompassing guilt. But I do envy them two things, as follows.

I envy them their eternal and never failing ownership of the moral high ground. The basic assumption is always that liberals have big hearts. Liberals are filled to overflowing with compassion for the downtrodden. They are always the champions of the little guy, the protector of the powerless. It cannot even be argued, it is taken as an article of faith, especially in American politics. It matters not what the results of their compassion have been. If, for instance, an intellectual argument is made that the very welfare apparatus that liberals so champion has had the deleterious effect of destroying the black family in inner city America by eliminating any need for a father in the home, the point is often conceded but liberals suffer no blame. Liberals always seem to escape any blame for the consequences of their policies because they are never judged on the results, only the intentions. Liberals’ hearts are always in the right place, you see. Conversely, if one is a political conservative in America, one must first and foremost prove that he has a heart. The basic assumption for him is that his heart’s desire is to starve little children and turn old people out of their nursing homes in the middle of the night. If a conservative begins talking about trying to rein in deficits its always because he loves the rich and despises the poor. If any conservative policy actually ends up helping the poor it is considered a cosmic accident. Which brings me to the second source of my liberal envy.

Liberal policy prescriptions are always unfalsifiable. I remember back in the 80’s when Ronald Reagan claimed that by lowering taxes across the board revenue to the treasury would increase. While admittedly counterintuitive, he turned out to be wildly correct. Revenues skyrocketed once taxes were lowered and the old tax avoidance schemes lost their appeal. But even though liberals were proven fantastically wrong in their claims, their reply was simply, “Well, sure , revenues increased…but Reagan is still evil because now the system is even more “unfair”.” Then later in the 90’s the left cried us all a river about the tail of woe which would befall the republic if “welfare reform” were passed. There would be tent cities in every corner of the country, hundreds of thousands of children would literally starve to death. When the legislation finally passed without the promised calamities, liberals merely changed the subject and were allowed to. And more recently we arrived at the stimulus bill of 2008. We were told by liberals that if this bill was passed, unemployment would drop to 8% and millions upon millions of jobs would be created or saved. I can’t even remember the exact number…800 or 850 billion dollars had to be printed or borrowed, but it didn’t matter because this thing was going to save the day. Three years later unemployment is still over 9%, the economy is still hemorrhaging jobs and the response of the liberals to all of the disappointing results is simple…”it failed because it wasn’t BIG enough. Instead of 850 billion, it should have been 1.5 trillion!”, an utterly unfalsifiable claim. Hell, if 1.5 trillion would produce 2 million jobs and drop the unemployment rate to 8, why not borrow 3 trillion and create 4 million jobs and drop the rate to 6???
Getting back to Reagan. While he was right that cutting taxes would increase revenue, he was wrong on his campaign promise that he would simultaneously cut taxes, increase defense spending AND lower the deficit. The first two he did, but he failed to lower the deficit, something with which liberals have been beating him up over for the last 30 years. I see no similar culpibility by liberals for the results of their disastrous policies. In fact, they will not even acknowledge any problems exist. What dependency crisis? What entitlement unsustainability? What’s wrong with a 1.5 trillion dollar yearly federal deficit for as far as the eye can see? Nothing, because liberals care too much about the little guy to fret over silly numbers. And because they care, everything will be ok.

Liberals never have to worry about answering for their mistakes and they can peer down on the rest of us from the commanding heights of their moral superiority. Pretty sweet deal.

Whats Missing In Christianity

I started reading G. K. Chesterton’s “Orthodoxy” last night. What I can’t figure out is how come I’m 53 years old and am just now discovering this book. You get to a point in life when you take on the conceit that you are reasonably “well read”, whatever the heck THAT means, then you stumble on the giant of a man that was Chesterton and you realize what a complete Philistine you actually are. I’m only 60 pages in and already I know that I’m reading a work of genius. I will do a complete review of this thing once I’m finished, but finishing will take some work. Humbly, I must admit that I have to read some sentences and a few entire paragraphs twice, even three times before it sinks in to my thick and slow head. But just about the time that I’m feeling stupid and over matched, he comes through with a line so hilarious, so engagingly witty, I at once feel totally comfortable and at home. Which brings me to a point that dawned on me in a flash 20 pages in, it’s what Christianity is missing, and has been missing for most of my life, a public, boisterous, joyful, intelligent wit.

Chesterton publicly debated the celebrated atheists of his day like H. G. Wells, George Bernard Shaw, and Bertrand Russell. Even though they disagreed about nearly everything, they were able to remain friends and live together in mutual respect. Most who attended these debates declared Chesterton the winner, even and especially his opponents, who couldn’t possibly compete with his infectious and garrulous personality and his biting yet disarming charm and wit. At 300 pounds, Chesterton took lots of abuse for his appearance, but did so with disarming humor like the time during World War I, when spotted walking down the street by a woman in London and asked accusingly, “Why aren’t you out at the front?!” He replied, “Dear lady, if you go round to the side, you will see that I am!” Once, when debating the views of Oscar Wilde he said, “ Oscar Wilde says that sunsets can’t be and shouldn’t be valued because we can’t pay for them. But Oscar Wilde is wrong because we can pay for them…by not being Oscar Wilde.” Chesterton was famously absent minded, which only added to his likability.
He once sent his wife an urgent telegram, “Am at Market Harborough. Where should I be?” To which
she relied, “Home.”

When people from the Christian community actually do try to engage the world today they do so in a dour, finger-pointing sort of way, hands wringing at the rampant immorality in our decadent world. While there is a ton of immorality out there, and in many ways our decadence owes Sodom and Gomorrah an apology, I long for a new Chesterton, who with intellect, clear thinking and brilliant wit, can make the case for biblical Christianity, and make a few friends along the way.

To be continued…