There’s a website that I have visited multiple times a day, every single day for the past 17 years. It is a site run by my former broker-dealer and on this site could be found every detail of my entire career, every client, every account, and all of the crucial data points required to work them. It also listed every detail of my compensation—what was pending etc…On Tuesday the 31st, I planned to login one last time to check a particular pending case before my access was cut off at midnight. Unfortunately, some eager beaver at the back office had already cut me off. The screen was filled with the sinister phrase—Representative Terminated. And just like that it was over. A website where I had lived for almost two decades was forever closed to me. I have to say that even though it was expected, it staggered me a little, kind of like a weak but effective left jab. The good news is that I recovered quickly. Pam suggested that we go out somewhere for breakfast. We had a lovely morning together and by the time we returned home I had forgotten about the whole thing. Its a small example of the kinds of things that simply aren’t my problem anymore.
As each day has passed I am becoming more and more aware of just how much pressure I have lived with my entire career. The absence of it feels strange, there is a lightness to it. Being no longer responsible for all that money and all those people feels a bit disorienting. That sense of responsibility has defined in many ways who I am for most of my life. Now, something else will have to take its place. A friend recently referred to me as a “retired gentleman”. My first thought was, “Hold on, one thing at a time!” But I’m going to grow into this new thing. I can already feel the freedom, sense the opportunities. Once I successfully detox from the pressure withdrawal, I’m set up for flourishing. All the necessary ingredients are there for me. I will need to find new challenges, new opportunities to pursue. In this regard, having a grandson on the way works quite nicely. Incidentally, as of yesterday, he is now the size of a sweet potato.
So, job number one in this retirement business seems to me to be…finding ways to be useful. The goal is to become a helpful presence in the world. In whatever situation I find myself in, I want to be part of the solution instead of part of the problem. Just like Mister Rodger’s said, “when things are hard, look for the helpers.”
I want to be a helper.
