This morning felt like waking up from a weird dream where you were trapped in a really horrible comedy club where the punch line to every joke was Donald Trump.
All the wise guys told us back in June that he was a joke with no chance. They said he was just in it to sell hotel rooms. They assured us that he was just bored and decided to run for kicks. Nothing to concern ourselves with. This morning, the joke is the presumptive nominee of the Republican Party. Hoosier Daddy, indeed!
The media no longer has Ted Cruz to kick around. Last night he was like...eh, screw it! Maybe he was just being practical. Or maybe after Trump actually suggested that the elder Cruz might have had something to do with JFK's assassination, Ted just thought, alright, that's enough.
Now, the only guy left standing is John Kasich, winner of exactly one contest and still with less delegates than Marco Rubio who left the race two years ago. What kind of ego must one have to remain in a race in which you have elevated the art of losing to such Olympian heights? Is he angling for the VP spot?
Speaking of the VP, at some point soon attention will be paid to potential Trump running mates. I asked a rhetorical question on Facebook last night about Carly Fiorina's availability. Since the guy who picked her first is now gone, is she now a free agent, or once betrothed is she now off the market? No matter, finding a running mate for The Donald is not going to be easy. Most of the likliest candidates have been called every vile name in the book by the presumptive nominee, so the opposition ads practically write themselves. Here's some ideas:
Trump/Gingrich.....these two guys know a thing or two about dumping exes
Trump/Jeb.....no chance that Mr. Low Energy could every upstage the boss.
Trump/Bill Clinton....why the hell not? They do have a lot in common.
Trump/Condoleeza Rice....might help him with women and "the blacks"
Trump/Gilmore.....Jim was the only Republican candidate who Trump hasn't called a liar
Trump/Tom Brady....might help him with women
Trump/Christie....this might work, but Chris is going to have to work on his facial expressions