Friday, April 4, 2014

My Birthday Ended Better Than it Started


My birthday got off to a terrible start. I received three e-mails in rapid fire succession from my accountant, never a good thing. I don’t believe that I have ever received any correspondence from him that was good news like, “Hey Doug, just wanted to drop you a line to remind you to be looking for that fat IRS refund check! It should be hitting your checking account any day now.” No, it’s always something dreadful and dire-sounding like, “These expenses you have listed on the document entitled RFA expenses for 2013? What do you expect me to do with them,” or even worse, “Can you explain the discrepancy between what you say that you have paid in estimated taxes and what my records indicate?”

Anyway, I could understand virtually nothing in any of these e-mails, and it is this sad fact that troubles me. The problem is this…I haven’t filled out a tax return in over 30 years. I have always had an accountant, and while I’m sure that he has saved me a lot of money, it has resulted in a total ignorance on my part of the entire process, which makes me feel like a moron. I’ll never forget when my kids asked me to help them fill out their first returns. I looked at them and said, “wait,..what?” So here I am in the financial business and I couldn’t fill out a tax return if my life depended on it. When Carl sends me my return every year it looks like it was written by Tibetan monks. I glance at the pages and pages of numbers and columns with a pit in my stomach. Then I find the cover page and look for the words, “WHAT YOU OWE.”

But, enough about our fascist tax code, the rest of my birthday was quite fun. My business partners took me to Hondos for lunch. Then last night I went to Chuy’s with family and friends. I got some truly awesome gifts. My daughter gave me and invite and tickets for prime seats along the first base line for next Friday night’s Flying Squirrels game. For those of you not from around here…yes, our double A baseball franchise goes by the name Flying Squirrels as in, “GO NUTS for the Squirrels!” Then Pam got me some really cool workout shirts and the most amazing gift ever, three, hour long massages at Hand & Stone!! Then my son, who is very broke and in graduate school sent me this amazing video that for some inexplicable reason, I can't manage to upload into this blog post, so you'll have to go to my Facebook page to see it. Take my word for it, it's awesome!

 So, all in all a very good day which ended much better than it started.