Wednesday, April 10, 2013

My April Fool's Scorecard For 2013


April Fool’s Day is the one day on the calendar each year where my natural personality characteristics are mainstreamed and magically become acceptable. For a world class practical joker it is a one day vacation, something close to what a nine year old child feels on Christmas morning. Last year was the great Year of Jubilee for my officmates since the 1st of April fell on the Lord’s Day. But this year, I was loaded for bear, courtesy of a care package that arrived from my sainted niece from California. I was actually away from the office on April the first, but everyone knows that there’s a seven day grace period since it’s actually April Fool’s Week if you take the time to study the ancient manuscripts in the original Greek and Hebrew.

In previous years my pranks have consisted of most of the old reliables, Vaseline on door knobs, toothpaste on white toilet seats, rigged showers of orange ping pong balls, cloves of garlic implanted in the mouthpieces of phones, that sort of thing. But life is about change, and with the explosion of technological advances, pranks need to be brought into the 21st century. So, this year I went high-tech.

Victim #: 1

There’s a guy in my office who is terrible on the computer. Frankly, none of us are very good with them, but this one guy really struggles. So, I slipped this cool device into one of the ports on the side of his laptop that plays amazing tricks on its victim at random times. Suddenly, the all caps feature engages, or random words start typing themselves, and then the mouse stops working all together. He was having a fit trying to get into his banking website, cursing his computer and basically going nuts. It was everything I could do to keep from busting out laughing. The next morning I broke the news to him that he would not be needed a new computer after all. Classic!

Victims #2&3:

I placed a small quarter-sized device with a magnetic back inside the credenza drawer of one of my colleagues’ desks. About every 3-4 minutes this device would whisper in a very creepy male voice, “Hey, can you hear me?” It helped tremendously that this particular colleague was a girl. She began tearing through her desks trying to find the voice but since it only whispered at random times several minutes apart it was hard to find. When she did find it she slammed it down on my desk and said in a very disrespectful tone of voice, “You are so juvenile!!”

Next I placed the same device in her sister’s desk with similar results except that this one couldn’t find it and begged me to remove it since it was freaking her out. Honestly, I couldn’t remember where I had stashed the thing, but I eventually found it. Next I replaced the creepy voice thing with one that emits small computerized-sounding, high pitched beeps at random and variously timed intervals. (why don’t these people lock their doors??). All in all, it was a great day.

Maybe it wasn’t up to my previous standards, like the year I hung everything that had been sitting on a desk or credenza in someone’s office from the ceiling on long ropes made out of duct tape. This lucky person was chosen for this honor since it was her first year in the business, and her first year around me on April Fool’s Day. Come to think of it, she was the one who accused me of being juvenile. The great thing about that particular gag was the fact that when she opened the door to her office she had her cousin with her and was giving him a tour of her office! The look on her face when the door flew open was priceless. Juvenile indeed!!

So, the year 2013 has brought April Fool’s Day antics into the digital age. The mind boggles at the possibilities for the future!