Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Jury Duty

I got a summons for jury duty today. Although I would like to say that a thrill went up my leg at the prospect of getting a chance to do my civic duty, I must admit that the first thing I thought was..."How in God's name will I be able to sit in a jury box for eight hours ?" I mean nobody,including Chris Matthews loves his country more than I do so there will be no whining about deferments from THIS guy. I'm pumped about the chance to serve and do my bit to bring about justice and all... its just the sitting thing.

I've seen all the jury movies. They all sit there ramrod straight staring intently at the prosecutor as he makes the case that the defendant,with premeditated malice in his heart did indeed brutally slay the saintly grandmother of five while she was taking her oatmeal cookies out of the oven. Then without any discernible movement or change of expression they watch eagerly as the defence attorney calmly explains that his client couldn't possible have done the foul deed since at the time of death he was serving the homeless at the local soup kitchen with his Sunday School class of tenth grade boys.

No...my spirit is willing but my body is weak. Ever since I can remember I haven't been able to sit comfortably in one place for more than fifteen minutes or so without an overwhelming urge to stand up.It was always worst at school. My teachers ultimately made bargains with me that as long as some part of my body was attached to some part of the desk..etc..Church is always a challenge...movies require an aisle seat...long plane rides require medication

So I'm a bit worried about this jury gig although I probably shouldn't be too concerned. As soon as they find out that I own a business,have been happily married to a woman for twenty seven years,don't think that anyone should be able to vote without passing a current events quiz, love everything that Fyodor Dostoevsky ever wrote and that I do in fact teach a Sunday School class at a Baptist church...I don't stand a chance.