October 4, 2023

I remember it like it was yesterday. I sat across a desk from the loan officer at F&M bank in Ashland with my Dad next to me. The dour banker stared down at me, Potter-like, over his bifocals as I signed my name on the papers. It was my very first loan, $5,000, enough to cover tuition and books for one semester at the University of Richmond. Dad was there to co-sign the loan since I was just a student with a part time job. I remember the strange confluence of emotions that accompanied the transaction, that giddy feeling of being a grownup along with nausea at the prospect that I might miss a payment and wind up in jail. I even remember the amount of the payment—$136.00 a month.

Not long after that came more college loans from the Charles B. Keesee Fund, then my first car loan for a two year old VW Scirocco. One year after getting married Pam and I bought our first house for $87,500. Our interest rate was a cool 13.75% and the $900 payment felt terrifying. There would be many more car loans, mortgages and home equity loans to get my kids through college, plus a business loan to purchase an office condo. Somehow I managed to avoid debtors prison.

But in a mere 15 days on October 4th, 2023, while in Maine, I will make my very last mortgage payment. It will be the first time I have been totally debt-free since I was 19 years old. 

It will be a time of celebration but also nostalgia. All of those loans. Hard to believe. I never took out a single loan for anything that I have regretted. Educating my kids—best money I ever spent. Buying my home—great decision. Even buying that hideous cranberry-colored minivan back in the day—a necessity with two kids.

Being debt-free will be great but it will also feel a bit weird. I have spent all of my life under the heavy weight of financial obligation. To a very large degree it has been my single most powerful motivator. It has driven me to succeed since failure to live up to those obligations would have been catastrophic for my family and my reputation. It simply was not an option. I’m wondering what it will feel like to live without the weight. Maybe it will diminish my drive. Perhaps I will flounder without financial urgency. Maybe I will start looking for some new place to spend money.

Wait. I know.

I need grandchildren.