Worst. Dad Jokes. Ever.

On this fine Sunday morning, I have searched the far reaches of the internet for another batch of Dad Jokes. I feel confident that this particular collection is right down there with some of the worse I have ever produced. You’re welcome. If, on the way out, you will click on an ad it will help compensate the author for his time and reward him for his stamina...sort of like a tip jar. I will use the proceeds to defer the costs of future searches!!

My wife and I just found out she's pregnant with our first child. To celebrate, we invited all the family and friends we could to my parents' house and then made the big announcement. Everyone was ecstatic and my father in particular was driven to tears. At a certain point during the night he pulled me aside and led me into his study, which I had never really been inside until this point. He opened a safe and produced cigars a bottle of whiskey and a large, beautifully bound book.

"I could never have asked for a better son," my father said, lighting the cigars and pouring the whiskey. "I hope you think I was a good enough father to deserve you."

"Of course, Dad," I said, "You were all I could've asked for and I wish my son admires me even half as much as I admire you."

"Now I've shared with you nearly everything I know," he said, "But not this one thing. This is the Big Book of Dad Jokes. There are many like it but this one is special. My father gave it to me when your mother and I first found out she was pregnant with you, and I studied it and studied it, learning all the dad jokes I could and mastering book's secrets. I hope it serves you as well as it served me in being a father... No... I know it will serve you well. I love you, my son.

“Dad... I don't know what to say... I'm honoured..."

“Hi, Honoured, I’m Dad.”

My wife volunteers as a school crossing guard.

I tell everyone she’s into human trafficking.

The Star Wars series is coming out with a new female villain. She will be able to use the force to move things up and down.

Her name will be Ella Vader.

I would make fun of necrophiliacs who are into beastiality and bdsm...

...but that would just be beating a dead horse.

Some guy broke into my garage last night and stole my limbo stick.

I mean...how low can you go?

Last week I went to a dog zoo with my kids. It only had one dog.

It was a Shih Tzu.

What do you call a dictionary on drugs?

High definition

The John Lennon Airport has been quarantined.

Imagine all the people...