Yesterday, I found this photograph of the front page of the Times Daily from none other than Muscle Shoals, Alabama. Soon, like the sun rising in the east and setting in the west, the sarcastic, punny comments started rolling in, some of them outstanding!
My wife: Looks like the people in Muscle Shoals have a thing for mollusks.
Facebook Friend: What a world...even the promiscuity of shellfish is divisive nowadays.
Facebook Friend: Actually, Sex Clams sounds like a great name for a band.
Me: I’m relieved there were no accompanying photographs...
Me: What’s so divisive about this? I’m thinking that whatever two consenting clams do in the privacy of their own riverbed is their business.
Family Member: What happens in the ocean, stays in the ocean.
This whole spelling error thing brought to mind this classic from a couple of winters ago:
I don’t know about you, but this hilarious failure of copy editing turned a sordid story into something light hearted and funny, and for that, I am eternally grateful to whoever was responsible for it. Poor guy is probably freshly unemployed, but he did America a great service. Otherwise, I would be forced to comment about yet another high profile man accused of confoundingly stupid and creepy behavior. Thankfully, most reasonable people from both sides of the political aisle have spoken out against the idea of a 32 year old man stripping down to his tighty whiteies in front of a fourteen year old girl for purposes of sexual gratification. But, predictably, many partisans are out there making the exact opposite argument that partisans made when it was Bill Clinton in the cross hairs of women making accusations of sexual misconduct. Back then, these folks claimed that the women must be believed. Their claims needed to be taken seriously, for it had taken great courage to speak up against so powerful a man. Now, these charges are all manufactured by an agenda driven newspaper determined to bring down a Godly man. The excusers have offered up several conflicting explanations for Mr. Moore’s actions:
He didn’t do it, and couldn’t be expected to remember if he did.
What the heck is wrong with a 30 year old man dating teenagers?
Even if he did, he never had sex with them, and whenever they asked him to stop and take them home, he did.
He never got like completely naked, ok?
I’ve heard rumors that those WaPo reporters paid these woman $1,000!!
Look, he eventually wound up falling in love with a teenage girl and married her and they’ve been married for over 30 years now!
It’s exactly like Mary and Joseph in the Bible. You remember where it says in Matthew that Joseph plied Mary with wine, then stripped down to his tunic? It’s the exact same thing here, and Mary and Joseph turned out just fine!
At this hour, Roy Moore is still a candidate for United States Senate. Meanwhile, one of his future colleagues, Bob Menendez, accused among other things, of cavorting with underage prostitutes in the company of a lobbyist...and on his dime, is probably about to be acquitted. So maybe if Moore wins, he can be seated next to Menendez...so they can talk shop.
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