This time of year brings to our mailboxes that hardy
perennial, the Christmas letter. Accompanying a card or a family photo, this
letter more often than not is typed on festive green or red paper, and catalogues
the manifold blessings that have rained down on the McNugget household over the
past year. We are treated to news of Junior’s acceptance into Harvard, or John’s
promotion at work, along with victories,
large and small, won by the happy McNuggets in the game of life throughout
the year. Reading through these letters is the literary equivalent of Pinterest, everyone’s
lives sound awesome, a series of titanic accomplishments interrupted by heartwarming
vignettes that make your own life sound rather empty by comparison. And, make
no mistake, these letters are all about comparisons.
Well, this year I’ve decided to fight back. I have written my own Christmas letter, but unlike the garden variety
brag-fest, I have taken a different approach…news of the ordinary:
Dear Family and Friends,
Hope
everyone is healthy and happy this Christmas season. I thought I would get you
all caught up with news from the Dunnevant family. 2013 has been a pretty
average year actually, but what follows are some of the highlights.
January was just about the suckiest month in history
for crappy weather. I swear, if there had been one more day of 40 degrees and
rain, I would have sold everything and moved to Key West. February wasn’t much
better, and by the time March rolled around everyone at 3308 Aprilbud Place was
on suicide watch. But, with improved weather came improved spirits. I ended the
first quarter in good shape financially so that helped. Kaitlin was withdrawn
into her thesis-writing shell, so I hardly heard a peep from her for three
months. Patrick was busy accumulating grad school debt, but enjoying every
minute of it, despite working two jobs and having to put up with New Jersey
24/7.
April was great. To distract everyone from the fact
that I was about to turn 55, I took the family down to Myrtle Beach for a
Spring Break week of family togetherness. We stayed at my friend’s condo, and
had a blast. The weather was phenomenal and it would prove to be one of the
best vacations ever, which was a good thing because the month of May was about
as bad as it gets. My dog Molly was diagnosed with cancer and died 3 weeks
later in my arms, a soul-crushing experience from which I have still not
recovered. May did manage to redeem itself when Kaitlin graduated from Wake
Forest with a Master’s Degree in English Literature.
To add insult to the turning 55 injury, I had to
undergo rotator cuff surgery the first week of June. It was just as horrible as
everyone warned me it would be, and if I had it to do over again, I probably
would have put it off. But, what’s done is done. Pam was very patient with me
through all the moaning and groaning, as she always is. Actually 2013 was
another banner year for her, what with her new found fondness for baking
gourmet cup cakes, and the fact that she once again finished the year looking
younger than she did the year before. Secretly, I resent her. If this trend
continues, before long some old dude at the mall is going to ask me how it
feels to have such a beautiful daughter.
We did manage to have a wonderful Dunnevant family
beach vacation down in Hatteras. Kaitlin’s boyfriend Jon finally managed to
screw up enough courage to ask me for her hand in marriage. I said “yes” and
the whole family rejoiced. While I’m on the subject, just recently my son, who
is famous for withholding any and all information about his love life from his
parents, arrived at our house for Thanksgiving and suddenly wouldn’t shut up
about a girl he is currently dating, a positive development. As if on cue, and
just in time for Christmas, his car blew up, stranding the two of them on the
side of some God forsaken snowy New Jersey road around midnight. Sometimes I
think that God is just screwing with me.
So, there you have it. 2013 had some good stuff and
some bad. There were weeks of productivity, happiness and good health. There
were also weeks of grief, despair, and raging diarrhea. I lost my beautiful,
loyal dog. I watched my daughter graduate. I made lots of money and managed to
write a novel. I remain married to a wonderful woman, and I put on 8 pounds
during my shoulder rehab that I can’t get rid of, so it was a mixed bag.
2014 will soon arrive and I have no idea what it
will bring, probably some good and some bad. I look forward to it with great
delight since it’s the only life I have. Hope you and yours have a Merry
Christmas and a Happy New Year!
Sincerely,
Doug
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