Yesterday, the fine people of Hawaii heard the wail of first alert sirens and for fifteen horrifying minutes, prepared for incoming ballistic missiles from North Korea. It was a false alarm, brought on by a series of inexcusable mistakes that boiled down to some idiot somewhere actually pushing the wrong button. Unfortunately, this hamfisted blunder had the citizens of Hawaii thinking that they had fifteen minutes to live before the fiery death of a nuclear attack. Their responses are/were fascinating.
Stories have filtered out of mothers huddled in closets with their children, of fathers trying to shield their children with their own bodies from the impending flash, of frantic calls and text messages speaking of deep love and affection...along with stories of copious consumption of whiskey, all very human reactions. As I have read these accounts the thought occurs to me...If I suddenly had fifteen minutes left, what would I do? What would you do?
Nobody can say with certainty what they would do under such circumstances. Our reactions are merely hypothetical approximations...what we think or hope we would do in a crisis is often at odds with what we actually would do. All of us would like to think that we would be calm, steadfast and heroic. No one wants to imagine themselves gulping Jack Daniels and cowering in a corner like a child. But, here is what I would probably do...
- Text or call my children to tell them that I love them.
- Hold on tight to Pam while awaiting the end.
- Confess my sins before Almighty God.
Then, if I had any time left....
- Lament the fact that I didn’t take the family on a month long European vacation, since I could have stiffed Capital One with the bill.
- Since it turned out that I shouldn’t have bothered, I would kick myself for putting so much money in my SEP.
- Enjoy a nice laugh realizing that all of those insufferable Bitcoin know-it-alls won’t be able to spend any of their new money.
- Take comfort in the fact that the coming nuclear apocalypse will also destroy Twitter.
- Delight in the realization that despite being, at best, an infrequent flosser, I will die with a full set of teeth.
- I would probably ask Alexa to play something by Sinatra.
- I might consider cooking up the last of the bacon, assuring that my last smell would be the very best smell.
Anyway, my heart goes out to the citizens of Hawaii. What a nightmare to have to endure because of a false alarm. I’m hoping that when they find the guy(or girl) responsible, he or she is punished to the fullest extent of the law.
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