Friday, March 3, 2017

The Sultan of Suck

The Dunnevant family in Short Pump has done its part to boost the economy, what with our recent  automobile purchase. Well, now we have added another big ticket item, and this one was for me!

Yes, sports fans, you are looking live at the brand new Dyson Ball Animal. This baby is the Lamborghini of vacuum cleaners, the cutting edge of floor cleaning technology, the Sultan of Suck. Our old Dyson finally bit the dust, so naturally, I had to have the best. This new model is over the top, billing itself as the "most powerful" sucking machine since the 1962 Mets. I've only used it in one room so far, just a quick test drive around the den. Good Lord Almighty!! What a machine!

Ok, I'm the official vacuumer around here, and truth be told...I've always kind of enjoyed it. It's hard to explain really. I just like the feel of it, the clean lines it makes on the carpet, the sound of the thing. When you've owned a Golden Retriever for nearly thirty years it's a big deal, vacuuming. It has to be done all the time. And, it turns out, I'm pretty good at it. In a house our size it's also a workout.

So today, after work I'm going to put this thing through it's paces, a whole house tour. Lucy has taken an intense dislike to The Animal, sensing menace. In fairness, she never was a big fan of our old Dyson, always retreating into another room whenever it was deployed. But, when I took this thing out of the box, she actually let out a small growl from her perch on the sofa in the next room. "What new , fresh terror is this monstrosity my human has brought into my home??" I could feel the animosity from thirty feet away. I reassured her..."Don't worry Lucy, it's just a vacuum cleaner. If you didn't shead so much we wouldn't need this beast!" Once again she sniffed the air and let out an aggrieved sigh..."Sure, blame the dog. Perfect!"