Sunday, September 13, 2015

Observations From the World of Sports

Time for a few random observations from around the sports world:

The Washington Nationals are done. How is it possible for a team with that pitching staff, and one of the best players in the game not even make the playoffs? Good bye, Matt Williams.

The Washington Redskins haven't even played their first game of the season and they are already the worst team in the league. Is it something about the city that makes professional sports teams dysfunctional?

The last race of the NASCAR season just happened in my own city and I couldn't tell you which drivers made the chase. That's how far stock car racing has fallen off of my radar screen over the past four or five years.

Arkansas Razorbacks coach, Bret Bielema started his week shooting off his mouth about how hard his schedule is compared to Ohio State's. Then his team goes out and gets beaten Little Rock! Here's a hint coach...until you actually win something, keep your pie hole shut!

There was a tennis tournament in New York this week. I think like sixteen people actually watched the women's final.

There was a high school football game the other day where the final score was 104-90. Some kid ran for over 700 yards and 10 touchdowns. The game was momentarily stopped  halfway through the third period when some kid actually made a tackle. He was immediately recognized with a ceremony on the 50 yard line, hugged by his proud parents and given a trophy.

The St. Louis Cardinals have the best record in Major League Baseball, despite the fact that their lineup contains players named, Piscotty, Moss, Garcia, and Pham, all players that no one besides their parents have ever heard of. How do they keep doing this year after year??

The NFL season begins in earnest today and my predictions are as follows:

The Dallas Cowboys will underperform and Jason Garrett will keep his job, proving that he has pictures of Jerry Jones having sex with Dan Snyder.

The Tampa Bay Buccaneers will make the playoffs with their rookie of the year winning quarterback leading the way.

The Philadelphia Eagles will lose their starting QB Sam Bradford to injury in week one, then backup Mark Sanchez will throw ten interceptions in his first three games as the starter, forcing coach Chip Kelly to call up Tim Tebow who will then lead them to the Super Bowl, causing every television anlalyst to have a nervous breakdown.

Peyton Manning will not make it through the season.

JJ Watt will score more touchdowns than RGIII.

Johnnie Manziel will enjoy his first taste of success as a NFL quarterback, only to be suspended for the season after getting caught punching out a woman in a strip club after failing a drug test.

The Philadelphia Eagles will lose the Super Bowl to the New England Patriots, when the game is decided by a crucial first down measurement late in the game, with Tim Tebow coming up inches short . After the game it will be discovered that a New England employee managed to add two links to the chain during a television timeout. The resulting investigation will be personally overseen by Roger Goddell who will ultimately determine that there is insufficient evidence to overturn the Patriot victory.