Friday, July 10, 2015

My To-Do List

There's this app on my iPhone, or maybe it's a widget, I can never remember...which is precisely the problem. It's called REMINDERS, and it serves as a high tech to-do list, kind of like a digital age nag, whereby my wife can add items to the list whenever something pops into her head, and she can do so wirelessly from anywhere in the universe where she has an Internet connection. Fascinating. For this I have Steve Jobs to thank.

Thanks, Steve.

Anyway, my REMINDER widget is stuffed to the gills this morning, what with the big wedding shower lallapaloosa at our house tomorrow. As of this hour there are 13 items under the lavender colored heading, Honey-Do. There were 14, but I gave Lucy a bath last night so that one got checked off. Here's what's left:

1. Hang 2 wedding pics
2. Hang 2 graduation pics
3. Put covers on outlets behind cubicle
4. Replace batteries in the clock
5. Put dog bowls and dog food container away just before the shower starts
6. Fix toilet seat
7. Spot vacuum Sat. Morning
8. Vacuum shag rug using CARPET setting to see if we can get more dog hair up
9. Cut grass
10. Buy new light bulbs (ask Pam first)
11. Buy picture hanging hardware
12. Clean nose prints off the living room windows
13. Change air conditioner filters

An interesting and diverse list, reflective of my wide-ranging husbandly skill set. Although, some of them require explanation. Numbers one and two are a result of Pam's painting spree of this past weekend, as is number three. Number six is a head scratcher. The toilet seat in question isn't cracked or anything, it's just a little loose. You know, it slides around if you're not sitting still. This is apparently unacceptable. There are two separate requests to vacuum. Yes, our dog has hair, and not all of them stay firmly affixed to her. Luckily, our shag rug has specks of a tan color in it that bear a striking resemblance to Lucy's hair color. But Pam wants them gone from our rug...all of them.

 I've got number nine. I'm great at cutting grass. I should point out that number twelve is not the result of me in some advanced stage of depression, face pressed forlornly against the windows, gazing blankly at the hostile world outside. No, this also, along with four other items on the list come courtesy of Lucy, who is fond of sitting at the front windows for hours staring across the street at Pippin the Ladradoodle, her sometimes friend with his fancy electronic fence, the arrogant bastard! 

I think it only fair to say that the 13 items on this list don't hold a candle to the million things that Pam has done in preparation for this event. She has been on a mission from God for over a month now. Watching her work has been exhausting. She has been a dynamo, a whirlwind of activity. I only have a 13 item to-do list that I can knock out in one day. This particular division of labor has been decidedly one-sided. But this wedding shower will most likely redefine the genre for years to come. That's how my wife rolls.