Monday, March 23, 2015

A Question For God at 4:30 am

This morning, at approximately 4 am, my eyes blinked wide open. There would be no more sleep. I hate it when this happens. Pam is sound asleep. Lucy is curled up in her doggie bed by the door. Every living thing seems to be asleep except for me. So I lay there staring at the ceiling for thirty minutes, then give up. What to do at 4:30 am eastern standard time?

1. Check on my bracket. Last Thursday I went 10-6. Friday I was also 10-6. Then over the weekend I went 10-6 again. Thanks to Villanova and UVA, my East Regional bracket has been destroyed, but everything else is still alive and kicking. Thanks, UVA for absolutely nothing!

2. Read the overnight news. Apparently Ted Cruz is running for President. Let's see now, he hasn't yet served even one full term as a U.S. Senator but is running for the Presidency.  Sound familiar? 

3. Check my email. Here's one from Proactiv+, a "special deal" which promises to rid me of troubling acne once and for all. Great...only 35 years late. Here's another one offering me heartfelt congratulations for having been selected to receive a free box of Swiffer samples.

4. Look at the weather forecast for the week. Lots of cloudiness in store but mostly in the 60's.

5. Do a little casual reading, an article about ten phrases you can no longer say because they are sexist. Make mental note not to say, "aw man!" or "ladies and gentlemen" ever again.

At this point I realize that I am hungry and have been for several days now since Pam and I are attempting a diet. Actually it's Pam that's doing the diet, I am simply along for the ride. However, I do need to drop ten pounds so I am making an attempt to eliminate between meal snacking. It's not until you decide to do such a thing that you realize just how much snacking you do. Good Lord, I'm a snacking machine! Couple of doughnuts here, a bag of chips there and before you know it, you're piling on a thousand calories a day. But, those particular calories are, in a word, awesome, so giving them up is difficult. People who know about such things tell you that the first thing you need to give up if you want to lose weight is...bread. See, this is the sort of thing that bothers me. It's one of the first things I'm going to ask God when I meet him. Why did you create bread...warm, aromatic, delicious bread, if it makes us fat? And what about butter? Bread and butter together is about as comforting and delicious as food gets, and yet we have to swear off the stuff if we want to look good in our swim suits? It's just not right.