Wednesday, August 6, 2014

WARNING: Proceed With Caution!


I feel it only fair to issue a warning at the beginning of this post. If you have not eaten your breakfast, what follows may take away your appetite. If you are either currently eating your breakfast, or have just finished it, take all appropriate precautions before proceeding.

This morning my psyche was permanently scarred by three images published overnight of Dallas Cowboy owner Jerry Jones in various disgusting sexual poses with very young women. Yes, Jerry Jones, the 71 year old with the comically contorted face that stands as visceral warning to anyone contemplating cosmetic surgery, the self-proclaimed “family man” who has been married to the same woman for 51 years, has been revealed to the world as an ass-grabbing dirty old man by the Deadspin website.

One might reasonably ask why I chose to click on the article in the first place, an excellent question to which I have no satisfactory answer except to say that it is after all, curiosity that killed the cat. Perhaps there lies within us a desire to see the proud brought low, maybe we take vicarious pleasure in the misfortune, the public unraveling of famous big shots. I am not proud of this inclination, but there can be no debate about the fact that Jerry Jones is one of the biggest shots of this or any era.

I am not a Cowboy hater, or as my friend Al Coleman refers to them, I have no beef with the “Bovine Cartel.” I am not necessarily against bravado either. I generally love confident athletes, Joe Namath’s guarantee and Muhammad Ali’s  “I am the greatest” shtick worked only because they were able to make good on their brags. What always has bothered me about Jones is the inordinate attention he gets as the owner of such a woefully inept franchise. After early success as team owner, he has meddled and fumbled his way to staggering mediocrity, often while fielding rosters full of superior talent. Combine this with his eerie plastic surgery missteps, and now his exposure as a philandering hypocrite and…well, one takes a bit of pleasure in his comeuppance.

Still, I was not prepared for Jerry Jones’ glassy-eyed, toothy-grinned sneer, groping the breasts of what looked to be no more than a twenty year old girl. Imagine the horror facing that girl’s parents this morning as they witness their little girls’ public humiliation. What am I saying? This is 2014 America. This girl way well become a star. She may get interviewed by TMZ. Katie Couric and Oprah may soon come calling. Eventually she may hit the mother load of 21st century riches and land her own reality show.
I have chronicled the epic bad behavior of famous men on this blog at great length, but it should be pointed out that every sexual failing of these prominent men has been made possible by willing young women, more than eager to prostitute themselves to degenerate and mostly ugly old men. Ladies, I am forced to ask…what the heck is wrong with you??