Over the weekend, during a brief interlude of faint curiosity/ boredom, I succumbed to the temptation of filling out one of those internet surveys. You know the ones I’m talking about…take our ten question survey to discover your ideal Tuesday work outfit!! Only this one promised to tell me which political party I was most aligned with. My son had taken it and posted his results so I thought what the heck?
It was a rather lengthy list of questions. Since the survey was presented by a Libertarian website, I expected the questions to be phrased in such a way as to encourage Libertarian responses, but generally found them to be fair. It was a YES, NO format. A third option was CHOOSE ANOTHER STANCE. When this was checked a dropdown box appeared that listed four or five alternative answers. An example follows:
Should gay marriage be allowed in America?
Choose another stance:
- Let each State decide
- No, allow civil unions for same sex couples, but don’t call it marriage
- Take the government out of marriage and instead make it a religious matter
- Yes, but allow churches the right to refuse gay marriage ceremonies
Not surprisingly, I found myself clicking the choose another stance option most of the time. The problem was that often I was unsatisfied with any of the options I was given even then! Then I was reduced to the, “add your own stance” answer. It took me forever to finish the survey. Once completed, I pushed the results key and was informed thusly:
Parties You Side With:
This survey blows! First of all, I know without question that the Republican and Libertarian parties do not agree anywhere approaching 85% of the time, and yet it says I agree with them almost equally. Secondly, the Green party? Do they have a position on abortion or gay marriage? If so, why? What does the death penalty have to do with the environment? And lastly, I agree with the Socialist party on something?? Wait..what??
So, I comb through the results searching for my latent Socialist weaknesses. It turns out that I am a closet pinko because of my opinion on the National Park Service, as follows:
Should National Parks continue to be preserved and protected by the Federal Government? My answer was “Yes.” I believe this largely because the National Park service is one of the very few government success stories. I have visited many of them and found them to be beautifully maintained, well run National treasures. The alternative of having a for profit business running these parks is wrought with peril. I keep imagining a gigantic billboard announcing how 15 minutes could save me 15% on my car insurance right next to the Presidents on Mt. Rushmore! The actual “Socialist Party preferred answer was “Yes, and expand the Federal Governments domain to protect more land.” Since my answer was “Yes”, it was deemed “similar.” Like I said, this survey blows.
Another thing that suggested Socialist leanings was my answer to the question, “Should the US interfere in the affairs of other countries?” My initial answer was “No.” Then I clicked the other responses. What I really believe is closer to “Only when there is a direct threat to our National security.” But, that opening allows the pinheads in Washington too much parsing of words and nuance and before you know it the discovery of nonexistent weapons of mass destruction become a direct threat. So, I just went with plain “No.” BAMM, I’m in league with the Socialists.
So, there you have it. I’m 89% Libertarian and 16% Socialist. Let’s legalize Marijuana and redistribute wealth!! Potheads of the world unite!!