This is getting out of hand. This morning I pull up
the weather channel website to check out the forecast and there on the side bar
to the right is a picture of Miley Freaking Cyrus with the tagline, “We can’t
help but stare at Miley Cyrus.” Ahh yes, the face that launched a million pageviews.
Et tu, Weather.com?
Not to be outdone, when I clicked on the forecast
for Myrtle Beach, the bottom right hand corner featured the most frightening
photograph I’ve seen since that Buddhist monk sat himself on fire in Saigon 45
years ago. Even writing a description of it will be harrowing. I thought of
cutting and pasting the thing but this is a family blog and I don’t want any
angry fan mail. It’s a picture of a man (I think),
leaning back suggestively on one elbow wearing a white dress shirt unbuttoned
all the way down the front. This deeply tanned man has done this ostensibly to
reveal his pectoral muscles which are the size of basketballs. These things are
so gigantic, the over-flexed muscles have apparently swallowed his nipples
since none are seen. It’s as if he has had breast enlargement surgery using bowling
balls. It is the single most disturbing visual image I have come across in my
adult life. What is it an advertisement for you ask, why, a new perfectly legal steroid formula for all
you serious body builders out there.
Well, if you want to end up looking like this dude, I suppose you better be
serious. Compared to his otherworldly pecks, the poor man’s head sits atop this
heaving mass of muscle looking for all the world like an afterthought, a swiveled
raisin atop a truck load of cantaloupes. I swear, I may never visit weather.com
again.
Which makes me wonder why this particular ad ran on
this particular website? Everyone knows that Google knows everything about all
of our predilections, our buying habits etc. What does this bizarre ad say
about…me?? I’m 55 and a member of American Family fitness, do they now assume
that I would be interested in turning my chest into a flotation device? Well,
just in case someone at the NSA is reading this, let the information gatherers
over at Google know that I’m perfectly happy with my C cup, thank you very
much.
Shheeeese!
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