Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Vacation Life


 For the past two days, I’ve been laying around on the beach, eating too much food, and engaging in spirited conversations about everything from the financial woes of Detroit to the killing power of Kryptonite. So, today, on Day Three of #Dunnevant Beach13, I will be driving my car onto a ferry, making the trip to Ocracoke Island so I can…lay around on the beach eating too much food, variety being the spice of life, or so I’m told.

It must be reported at this point that seven of us went to play putt-putt last night. The winning score of 44 was posted by your humble blogger, naturally, while the high score of 68 was tallied by my wife who simply could not master the contours of the dimly lit greens while simultaneously looking fabulous. Ryan’s front nine score of 38 set some sort of course record for futility that caused buzzers to go off, sirens to wail and several paramedics to appear to make sure he was ok.

All was not lighthearted fun however; as I discovered that my future son in law is not above cooking the books to embellish the standing of his girlfriend. After one particularly problematic hole in which Kaitlin managed to hit her ball onto the back of a nearby pickup truck, then into a water hazard, I saw Jon write down her score on the scorecard, smile adoringly at her with the words, “Nice 3 honey!”

We got back to the house just in time to hear Linda tell the story of the day when the hurricane came through Richmond and knocked out power to the hospital. The generator was deployed to maintain critical life saving equipment, so each patient room was reduced to one light. This was unacceptable to one expectant grandmother who marched down the hall wanting to know what in the $#@&? was the matter with the television?! The head nurse explained that the hurricane had knocked out the power. “I don’t give a flying rat’s #$@!? about no %$#@&* hurricane. Rick is about to come out of he coma and stop that lying Camille from stealing he inheritance from that thievin’ Brooke who claim she had the amnesia but everybody know that’s a $#%@* lie. Now you people need to power up this here TV are I’m gonna have to open up a can of whup-ass up in here.”

More popcorn, Bill.