Friday, March 1, 2013

HEADLINES!!!! Coming Soon To A Newspaper Near You

On this, March the first, the first day of Obamageddon, it’s time to gird our loins for the next big calamity. Yes, my fellow Americans, there is always a next big calamity and this one comes at the end of March. It concerns something called a “continuing resolution”. That’s the contraption that this particular Congress of misfits has fashioned together to replace what we’re supposed to have in its place…a budget. Well, this continuing resolution thing expires at the end of March, and without either a budget or a new continuing resolution, the entire government will shut down, making the debt ceiling fight, the fiscal cliff kerfuffle, and the sequestration battle seem like child’s play. Of course the bigger problem for Washington might be the crisis-fatigue of the American people. We have been dragged to the edge of so many cliffs over the past 10 years or so, at some point when something truly horrible is about to happen we’re going to have ignored the warnings out of sheer exhaustion. So, as a public service, I have taken the liberty of designing the headline page for the next crisis. Newspapers like the New York Times and the Washington Post should consider my suggestions, they can even use them word for word without attribution. Consider it my civic duty.


 Government Shutdown Looms!!!

This Time, They’re serious!!

These aren’t just cuts, this is the real thing, no government checks of any kind!

Women and children hardest hit!

Suicide rates expected to soar!

Honest To God…this is the big one!

We’re not screwing around this time!

Entire U.S. Army to be placed on leave

Planes will fall from the sky

Raging fires to spread due to lack of first responders

Welfare checks to dry up March 1…NAACP scared shitless

Wall Street veterans contemplate getting “real Job” once Government freebies end

Maxine Waters, Jesse Jackson, and Al Sharpton call government shutdown “racist”

Obama said to be “really, really pissed”

Mitt Romney having the time of his life on huge Romney family vacation in Branson, Missouri